Get — and Stay — Visible in 2019

January 1, 2019 Published by
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The New Year is here! Happy New Year, darlings! The number one resolution women make is to lose weight and work out in the coming New Year. I have a better suggestion…make it a priority to feel visible in 2019.

One of my friends, Mary, sent me a photograph of a mannequin in Gucci’s storefront window, see it below, with a Gucci scarf on her head, darlings! Gucci ‘reinvented’ the scarf into a hood, an entirely new look for 2019. Mary likened the new chic style from Gucci to a symbol of women over 50 reinventing something about themselves.

I looked up the definition of reinvention, “The action through which something is changed that it appears to be entirely new.”

To me, that definition defines the Gucci scarf but not a fabulous, mature woman over 50. I thought to myself, “We don’t want to reinvent what took years to create… our inner selves.” What we might want to consider doing in 2019 is revive or rekindle something we lost during the aging process, our visibility.

After talking to several women better than 50 and reading many of your comments, I think women after 50 should unearth ways to rekindle their visibility because let’s be realistic…we are not going to stop the aging process. We are not going to prevent the lines and wrinkles that make women feel invisible. But, we do not have to accept that these changes make us invisible; I know that they do not.

Beauty is more than skin deep…at any age

I strongly feel that outside appearances — think wrinkles, grey hair, and lines — those that set us apart from younger women, do not take away our visibility if we feel connected to something greater than our outward appearance. Beauty starts from the inside. When a woman is happy, she has her sparkle and believe me, people of all ages take notice.

Aging is the sum of many forces. I live by this motto, “Life after 50 gets better.”

I understand that women over 50 feel they have been erased, made to feel invisible, in a culture that equates ‘beauty with value.’ But I don’t let the feelings of society stand in my way. Nor should you.

I understand that many older women, once respected in the workplace, find themselves invisible, pushed aside because the boss feels the young are more productive.

I know that many older women feel invisible because they live just above the poverty level and don’t think they have the wherewithal financially and emotionally to live a productive and enjoyable lifestyle.

My philosophy for you on the job and you with financial difficulties “get tough with yourself and figure out what you can do.” Every situation has possibilities. I know. I have had my share of trials and tribulations.

Aging well and living well

Yes, aging is the sum of many conflicted inner feelings and external happenings, but when we are faced with contradictory forces we must put on our thinking caps on and explore newfound possibilities. You must drive yourself to find a solution! Finding a solution will put you on a high and you will feel VISIBLE.

Many of you, darlings, may think that it is easy for me to muse about the above because of my lifestyle. I cannot disagree. I am blessed with my ultimate concierge who guards and protects me and who listens to me.

But he cannot wave his magic wand and defend me from aging, physically. He cannot go into my mind and change the negative thoughts I feel. Only I can overcome these feelings.

The buck stops with me, darlings, just as it ends with you. I have choices. You have options. My suggestion is to take a favorable view of a situation that can be perceived as negative. Your situation is only what you CHOOSE to make of it.

Why do women after 50 feel invisible?

1. Some women feel invisible, overlooked, because of their aging face and body and the perception of the older generation in American society.

The number one question to ask yourself is…

Do you want to ‘trudge’ through the remaining years of your life after 50, feeling invisible because of aging and what society thinks of aging? Or would you prefer to ‘stride’ with head held high by acknowledging that you are still very visible women, not because of your looks and age but because of the inner you?

I have friends who sat in my home three years ago telling me they felt invisible. They were college grads, many of whom had successful careers, raised beautiful children, were either married or had a significant other, were grandmothers, well-traveled and were financially comfortable. And yet, they felt invisible! College degrees, travel, lovely children, happy relationships, financial security, etc. were not enough to protect them from feeling invisible in a youth-obsessed society.

Rekindle your visibility!

1. The cure is in your mind. What is your purpose for the next several years? What are your passions? My words should immediately start you thinking and put you in a positive mood. Think, think, think. Come up with an answer. Be creative.

If you want to change your pattern of thinking, only you can do it. Set your mind to something and say to yourself, “nothing is going to stop me.” That is your purpose for 2019.

This creates an empowering discipline that will move you into action. You will become self-motivated and inspired and want to explore the options that will lead you down the path of feeling, relevant, visible.

In doing so, you will become connected to something greater than you that gives you pleasure in your changing world. You will rekindle your feeling of visibility.

Find your visibility

Perhaps you can…
Commit your time to a charity?
Plan a cruise or road trip?
Go back to college or go to a trade school?

Embrace the ideas that it is never too late. Involve yourself in social activities you enjoy or learn new exercises. It is all up to you, my darlings.

When you remain undisciplined, apathetic and dispirited, you will continue to feel, invisible and 2019 will be a repeat of 2018.

Connect with a group or groups. ‘Think we…not me.’ Women need women.

Finland is the happiest country in the world because 91% of its population belongs to a group or groups. A happy, connected person feels visible.

Joining a group or groups is usually free of cost or costs very little. Your job is to commit yourself to find a group you will enjoy.

A new world will open up to you because you will converse with other women your age on topics that interest you. You have the option to choose a group of your choice from, book and movie groups, to gardening groups, to grandparenting, to widowhood, loneliness, health and financial, travel, pets and if you prefer a group made up of all ages of women called multigenerational groups.

Are you interested in staying connected to other women better than 50? How can you remain visible in 2019?  Do tell! Please share your thoughts with me via TwitterFacebookPinterest, Instagram or in the comments section below.

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7 Comments

  • Dianne says:

    Happy New Year.

    This hit home for me because I feel this way sometimes. Thanks for your inspiration and of course your blog. I love reading it.

  • Lynn Burns says:

    Hello Honey, I saw a coffee mug that had the words “the prettiest girls are happy girls”. It made me think about how I am so attracted to people who have a smile on their face and a true zest for life. I think this is partly because I live my life that way. I’m not worried about aging…I look at the younger women and don’t feel regret, but rather happiness that they are having their turn to enjoy that stage of life. Im busy choosing happiness each day and excited about what the day will bring. Who will be placed in my path? What opportunities will I be given? What will I learn today? There is no room left for invisibility! Much love, Lynn

  • Nori says:

    Bravo! This was exactly what I needed to hear as I start a brand new year! I would like a societal shift to where mature women are viewed as attractive and desirable mentors that younger women aspire to become. And it’s up to us, mature women, who make that happen!

  • Deanna Lamoreux says:

    When I was widowed six years ago I felt especially berift at mealtime. I invited some widowed friends to supper. We have been eating out together every week since then. We have joined other groups of interest – book groups, Geneology, archaeology and movie/theatre going. We support one another through medical issues too. We are a happy group. Our most senior friend is 101 years of age.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      That is wonderful. Just marvelous and you are the responsible party that started it. How happy you sound. Please join my private Moxie Group on HoneyGood.com. It is in the navigation bar. Just click on.Bring your friends along and start your own online group. Genealogy, Archaeology, etc. sounds wonderful.Wait for a few weeks because we are perfecting it, to make it easier. Warmly, Honey

  • HelenA says:

    Honey, you discuss this regularly in your column and many of us deal with it on a daily basis in our careers and especially in our volunteer work.

    The Invisibility of Older Women.
    As they age, women experience less public scrutiny—and entertain a wider set of choices about when and how they are seen.
    https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2019/02/akiko-busch-mrs-dalloway-shows-aging-has-benefits/583480/

    AKIKO BUSCH, author
    FEB 27, 2019

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      Thank you for sharing. Akiko Busch is a thought-provoking and beautiful writer. I write the same message in my primitive manner; a woman’s beauty is 80% inner beauty. As Akiko writes: We are not an object. We must think of ourselves as a subject. You made my day, Helen. You might enjoy joining my network bemoxienow.com a private network of honey good women who form groups on many different topics and bring along their friends. If you want more information, contact Susan at pr@honeygood.com. Maybe you can form a group on women feeling invisible? Warmly, Honey

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