By: Kiley Peters

Family is important – this is not a new discovery. However, I am a huge proponent of self-discovery and what I have realized over the last few years is that understanding more about each member of my family has helped me understand more about myself – why I am the way I am and do some of the things I do – and that…that is big. My journey of self-discovery truly began when I started to look at my family members as individuals, not just as roles in my life.

I have a father, mother, sister, and a large, loud and rowdy extended family and I love them all with every ounce of my being. I grew up in the same house as my father, mother and sister until I was 18 when I left for college (30 minutes from home) and what I’ve discovered is that I am just starting to get to know them — as adults. I know my father likes to stand in front of the television and eat unbuttered popcorn in pajama pants that are pulled up too high and my mother makes cute little signs for literally everything in her closets (nail polish, scarves, plasticware, etc.) and my sister will hug a tree and make friends with a squirrel before buying an overpriced bottle of water. I know them as my father, my mother and my sister, not Toby, Patti and Paige. It’s like I have three brand new wonderful people to get to know! Discovering new things about them as adults has also led me to discover new aspects of myself.

These three people are, arguably, the three most important people in my life and it has taken almost 30 years to realize, they are adults and individuals who all have separate lives – and insecurities and moments of triumph. So much of them is ingrained in me and all these new tiny bits of strength, vulnerability and slipped curse words here and there help me to, not only get to know them better, but also understand more about myself. Reflecting on my past experiences with my family has shown me how much those moments have shaped my self-understanding. Life gets tough. The last few years haven’t been easy on my family, but as I said, it has been an eye opening experience getting to know each one of them as their own person and I’ve learned so much from it.

My father has been my hero my entire life. I’m a daddy’s girl through and through. He has sacrificed so much to always take care of my mother, sister and myself and I will always be grateful for that. In the last few years, my father has stepped down from the pedestal I put him on and has become Toby, my peer. As he has stood on level ground with me, I have found, through tears of laughter and tears of pain, that I get my passion and enthusiasm from my father. The story of my family, especially my father’s journey, has played a crucial role in my own self-discovery. There were times I felt overwhelmed by the expectations I placed on our relationship, but those emotions helped me grow. His passion and enthusiasm towards life are two qualities I have been especially privvy to in recent years – or maybe I’ve just now realized what they mean – and I admire him so much for embodying these attributes. I have also confronted some of the fears I inherited or learned from him, which has been an important part of my growth. Now, I also inherited Toby’s motion sickness and fear of scary movies…so not all of the traits I got from him are the best, but I just avoid amusement parks and thrasher films and we’re fine. I can see the energy he brings to everything he does, and I recognize that same spark in myself. A significant realization happened when we had a deep conversation about his own struggles, which changed how I viewed our relationship.

My mother is so open and caring. She has many wonderful qualities, but one has become very evident over the last few years and I credit her largely for instilling it in me: be comfortable in your own skin. She always taught my sister and I not to care what other people think and be proud of who we are. Growing up, my mom was mostly a mom and a wife because those were her priorities. Now that we’ve grown up, it’s been fun watching my mom become Patti. Not a mom or a wife, but Patti. Patti who goes on annual trips to Vegas with her girlfriends, co-chairs local committees, gets tipsy from one RumChata Martini and hosts parties with the cutest, craftiest decor. She does what she wants — because she can. Patti is much stronger than I ever realized, growing up, and I am so proud of her for being such a strong woman who is entirely comfortable in her own skin. Her confidence has helped me accept my own body and appreciate self-acceptance as a foundation for growth. Knowing I have her strength within me gives me the peace of mind to know I can handle anything that comes my way. She has always encouraged me to embrace my authentic self, reminding me to stay true to who I am. I have also identified a tendency to be nurturing and supportive, a trait we both share. One thing my mother taught me is the importance of resilience and kindness, which has shaped my outlook on life. (For the record, I can also handle more than one RumChata Martini…) Our relationship has been a source of inspiration and growth for me.

I could go one forever about my sister. She is my favorite person in the world and the best, most selfless person I know. She is the most loyal friend you could ever ask for, one of the smartest and kindest people you’ll ever meet and appreciates the beauty and good in the world more than most will ever even be able to comprehend. My sister is two years younger than me but a whole world wiser and if there’s anything I’ve been lucky to have rub off on me from her, it’s to be btter. As I listen to Paige talk about how much she loves her friends; and cares about the world and the environment and mentoring students; and really has her sh*t together (even though she could work on her time management skills)…no one has life figured out better than she does. Paige knows what matters and demonstrates it in her daily life and witnessing this makes me want to be better. She has helped me become more aware of my own thoughts and feelings, encouraging self-reflection. She also inspires me to listen to my inner voice and trust my intuition, which has been invaluable in my journey. It makes me want to be a better person that my little sister, this wonderful woman named Paige, can be proud of. She always makes me feel like I matter, and her support is truly special. Compared to most people, Paige stands out for her compassion and wisdom. She brings unique gifts to my life, and I am grateful for her presence.

I know that’s a lot, but it’s just the beginning. There’s so much more to learn, so many questions to ask and stories to be told. I acknowledge I might be a bit late to the game with this realization of understanding your family are their own people too, but I’m grateful at least I figured it out. I’m looking forward to learning more about Toby, Patti and Paige’s most embarrassing stories and proclamations of life. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but my father, my mother and my sister are three of my best friends and I wouldn’t trade this pack of weirdos for anything. There is always a risk that we lose touch with our authentic selves if we don’t nurture these connections, so I cherish every moment.

Taking a deeper dive into understanding your family is better than the best self-help book you could read or melodramatic Lifetime movie you could watch. So sit down, start asking questions and pay attention, you’re in for a treat. It’s a powerful way to uncover who you are and to grow. Through uncovering my own patterns and strengths in family interactions, I’ve learned so much about myself. There was a wake-up moment when I realized how much my family shaped my identity, and that awareness has improved my overall well-being. Even when things went wrong or I struggled with guilt and self-judgment, understanding my family helped me overcome those feelings and move forward. During tough times, we held onto hope, knowing things could get better. Family dynamics can impact mental health, but with support and understanding, we grow stronger together.

Self Discovery

Self discovery is a deeply personal and ongoing process that invites you to truly get to know your inner self. It’s about peeling back the layers to uncover your true self—your values, emotions, and desires—so you can live authentically and with confidence. This journey isn’t always straightforward, but it’s a crucial step toward building self confidence, self love, and a strong sense of who you are. When you commit to self discovery, you give yourself the chance to stay grounded, even when the world feels uncertain or overwhelming. You begin to understand what really matters to you, what makes you feel alive, and how to honor your own path. Embracing this process means accepting that self discovery is not a destination, but a journey—one that helps you feel more connected to your true essence and brings a greater sense of meaning and joy to your life.

Understanding Family Dynamics

Family dynamics have a powerful influence on our self discovery journey. The relationships and patterns we experience growing up can shape our beliefs, behaviors, and even the way we see ourselves. Sometimes, these dynamics help us grow; other times, they can leave us feeling stuck or unsure of our own thoughts and feelings. By taking the time to understand your family’s unique patterns and how they’ve impacted you, you can begin to identify areas where you want to grow or change. This might mean setting healthy boundaries, communicating your needs more clearly, or simply reflecting on your own emotions and beliefs. Remember, you are the only person who can truly understand your inner world. By acknowledging your feelings and experiences, you empower yourself to begin a new chapter of growth, supported by a deeper understanding of both your family and yourself.

Spending Quality Time

Spending quality time with yourself is one of the most powerful ways to deepen your self awareness and connect with your inner self. Whether it’s enjoying a favorite hobby, practicing mindfulness, or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts, these moments of solitude allow you to reflect on your feelings, desires, and values. Making space for yourself in your daily routine is an act of self love and an important part of the continuous journey of self discovery. As you spend time exploring what brings you joy and fulfillment, you’ll begin to uncover new aspects of your true self and develop a greater sense of acceptance and understanding. Don’t be afraid to try new things or step outside your comfort zone—these experiences often lead to the most meaningful growth. Remember, self discovery is a process, and every moment you spend with yourself is a step toward a deeper, more authentic connection with who you are.

Inner Reflection and Awareness

Inner reflection and awareness are at the heart of the self discovery journey. Taking time to tune into your thoughts, feelings, and emotions helps you develop a stronger sense of self awareness and a greater understanding of your inner self. This might look like journaling about your day, practicing mindfulness, or seeking guidance from a trusted therapist or coach. The goal isn’t to change who you are, but to accept and embrace your true essence—even the parts you may have struggled with in the past. By letting go of negative patterns and beliefs, you create space for more freedom, joy, and authenticity in your life. As you begin to understand and accept yourself more fully, you’ll find it easier to live in alignment with your values and experience a greater sense of peace and fulfillment.

Embracing Personal Growth

Embracing personal growth is a crucial part of the self discovery journey. It means being open to new experiences, learning from your mistakes, and challenging the beliefs that may be holding you back. Growth is an ongoing process, and it’s natural to encounter setbacks or moments of doubt along the way. What matters is your willingness to keep moving forward, to seek support when you need it, and to remain curious about yourself and the world around you. As you continue on this journey, you’ll develop a stronger sense of self confidence, self love, and inner peace. You’ll discover the power of living authentically and the joy that comes from understanding and accepting yourself. Remember, personal growth is not about reaching a final destination—it’s about embracing the continuous journey of becoming the person you are truly meant to be.