“Our lives are lived forward but understood backward.” These words have become my quiet anthem, especially in seasons of loss, uncertainty, or sorrow. With time, I’ve learned that our past, no matter how painful, holds the seeds of our joy. Those seeds need warmth and patience to sprout: attention, tenderness, and a willingness to see differently.
There is no magic elixir for heartache, darling, but there is magic within you. And that magic is your ability to choose how you see your story. Your perspective is your paintbrush; with it, you can tint even gray skies with a wash of sunrise.
The Choice to See Light in the Shadows
In my life, I’ve walked through many storms (estrangement, illness, the loss of loved ones) and yet, I am still here, smiling looking for the sunshine that always finds a way to peek through the clouds. This is a practice, not a personality trait. When the world feels dark, I ask myself:
- What lesson lives inside this moment?
- Where might there still be beauty?
At first, the answers are faint. But if I sit quietly, journal my thoughts, and listen closely, joy whispers back. It may not erase the pain, but it gently reclaims my power. Even the softest whisper of joy is a beginning; follow it like a thread and it will lead you to light.
The Practice of Perspective
Writing is my therapy. When I journal, I pour my thoughts onto paper (the worries, the confusion, the longing) and soon I see them differently. Heartbreak becomes a lesson in empathy. Mistakes become a step toward wisdom. A loss becomes a deeper understanding of love. Clarity doesn’t always arrive as thunder; often it tiptoes in on the next honest sentence.
Every story in our past, even the ones written in tears, can become a chapter of growth if we are brave enough to reread it with compassion. So, I invite you to look backward with soft eyes, not judgmental ones. Ask yourself:
- What did I learn about my strength?
- Did I grow in grace or resilience?
- Did the pain shape me into a more understanding woman?
And then ask: How can I use that understanding today to bless myself and someone else?
Choosing Joy Every Day
I must be honest. I start each day praying that a miracle will slow down the progression of my husband’s illness. My first words, after I open my eyes each morning are: “I love you, Shelly. You are my heart. How are you feeling?” Then I hold my breath waiting for his response. His answer has been the same, every morning, over the past few years. ” I love you. I am fine.” I believe he says, “I am fine,” for my benefit because my husband is an emotional Titan and only under the worst conditions would he worry me.
Climbing out of bed each morning with a heavy heart for two years is arduous. There is a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach as I wonder how the day will progress.
I never lose hope! I call his doctor asking if there is there a pill to raise his energy level and a pill to increase his appetite. There are pills and my hope abounds.
I have learned over the past few years that joy is not a destination; it is a daily decision. Some mornings, we must coax it out with a whispered affirmation. Other mornings, joy arrives unannounced and you need to let it in without questioning it. Here’s what helps me when the clouds hang low:
I start each morning with gratitude. One simple “thank you” can shift the entire day. This morning I said, “I am grateful that my ultimate concierge still knows me and tells me he loves me. I am grateful that my daughter and son- in- law will always be by my side. I am grateful for my husband’s family who I love and love me back and a big thank you to my parents who began to teach me the meaning of gratitude when I was seven years old.”
Name three tiny gratitudes before you reach for your phone. Your tone for the day will follow your first thoughts.
I surround myself with beauty. Flowers, music, and small details around our home. Beauty is practical magic: it steadies the breath and softens the edges of worry.
I remind myself to stay curious. The world is still full of surprises waiting to delight us. Also, I seek connection. Joy multiplies when shared with others, especially women who lift one another up! Joy loves company; invite her by reaching out, not retreating.
Gentleness and Grace
When the weight of the world presses in, I remind myself to practice gentleness and grace. Gentleness is not passivity; it is wise strength. It sounds like giving yourself ten quiet minutes before you speak, choosing a nourishing meal over another urgent task, or stepping into fresh air to feel the sky on your face.
We are allowed to take up space with our healing. We are allowed to move slowly. Joy often returns when we stop demanding that life hurry and let our soul catch up to our body.
Tools of Positivity
I also keep a small joy cache when I need an uplifting moment:
- A simple list in my journal (or notes on my phone) of things that reliably lift my spirit.
- My favorite poems
- A playlist that steadies my breath.
- Three names I can text for a smile.
- A prayer I love.
On hard days, I don’t search for inspiration; I reach for it. The cache becomes proof that I have not been abandoned by beauty. It’s there, waiting faithfully—just like the sunrise—ready to light the next step.
Living Forward, Understanding Backward
Looking back, I see now that even my sorrows had purpose. They softened me, deepened me, and taught me to love with open eyes and open hands. I honor what hurt without handing it the pen to write about my future.
Positivity isn’t about denying our pain, but rather it’s about allowing hope to live beside it. When we embrace that duality, we bloom again, even after the harshest winter. I’ve lived long enough to know that joy and sorrow are companions, not enemies. One gives meaning to the other. The secret, I’ve found, is to keep both in your heart but let joy hold the heavier weight. This is the quiet courage of women over 50: we choose our anchors wisely.
Let us live forward with courage and grace, and when we glance back, may we see not our failures, but our becoming. May we greet each new day as evidence that resilience is alive in us.
Because even in life’s storms, there is always joy waiting to be rediscovered. And when you find just a glimmer, darling, let it grow. Amen.
Love this. Thank you 💕
You are so welcome. Thank you for the compliment. Warmly, Honey
The line for the rollercoaster is always longer. I love the ride! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! Be grateful and show gratitude everyday of your life!! ❤❤❤
Amen. Amen. Warmly, Honey
Susan, beautifully written. As we grow older,Life itself assures us, one way or another. Two things come to mind, acceptance and gratitude. Our life on earth is very short compared to eternity so let us make the best of the short ride!
YSSS,
Janice
Wonderful advice. We know, we are both trying! YSSN Susan
Thank you. I pray to go forward and stop looking behind. It takes all I have some days.
Take your lessons from the past – leave the rest behind. You will never change what was BUT you can grow from your past. Live in the present – it is a gift. Warmly, Honey
Thank you for these wonderful words
Thank you for the compliment. Warmly, Honey
Fall is on fire here in Portland Oregon! The golds, oranges and red leaves against the blue sky are bursting with beauty that fills my heart with warmth and joy! Walking through fall leaves with the wind sprinkling
color and magic everywhere makes me
feel like I am ten years old. 🍁🌞
And, what about the destruction of Portland people’s lives and safety? Warmly, Honey