I hope you are all trying very hard to cope with the uncertainty we are all experiencing day in and day out. Outside of our personal problems, we have been dealing with 40+ days of a worldwide pandemic. COVID-19 has knocked on every door in the world. We are isolated from family, friends, and work. We are also worried about businesses shut down, the stock market decline, an economic collapse, the health of our family, and the loss of control over our lives. Uncertainty has never been our friend.
What can we control?
I have a book that was first printed in 1960. It belongs to my husband, Sheldon Good. He bought the first edition when he was in his twenties and was thinking of opening his own company. The small paperback book is: “Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill“.
Now, Shelly did start his own company, and years later he is buying the book for all of his grands, because as Napolean Hill says, “The only thing we have any control over is our mental attitude.”
Those of you who read my stories know, I believe in Mr. Hill’s philosophy. However, I will add the word, ‘positive’ to mental attitude. Positive mental attitude.
In every personal crisis, we have to make choices that become our decision. Many of us ‘react’ instead of ‘think’. During difficult times it’s hard to feel positive, and these are the times in our lives we must think and stay positive the most.
Ask Honey – Advice For Every Woman
April 30, 2020
I really enjoy your articles so very much. Every day I look forward to getting them. I’ve been widowed for 5 years now. Every day seems like a challenge. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. Other days I find something to do that I enjoy. So I started to fix up my back yard, one thing at a time.
Thank you so much for your writings every day. They have made me cry, smile & feel like getting on with my life.
Please never stop writing. You have a wonderful gift. Thank you for reaching out!
Thank you so much for your kind words. When I read your message, “every day seems like a challenge, and some days I don’t want to get out of bed,” I was saddened. As I read further, my spirits lifted when you said, “I feel like getting on with my life.”
Personally, I think it’s your time to put on your positive mental attitude cap and throw your negative cap away. In other words, it is time to get interested in living again. And, you can do it!
During COVID-19 self-isolation is the perfect time for you to do some serious thinking about taking a positive step. Here are a few suggestions:
I think it would help to join a group where you feel you will fit in. When you join a group of women or a mixed group who enjoy what you enjoy, you will feel your positive comfort level. You mentioned you were in your yard so I am assuming you enjoy the outdoors and nature. We have not met, but here are a few suggestions. Keep in mind that right now, these groups must all be virtual, of course, but hopefully you will be able to join a in-person one in the future.
Ideas for groups include; A garden group, a flower arranging group, or a nature walking group. If you are still mourning the loss of your husband, I believe there are grieving groups.
If you live in a small community that is short on groups, make the most of online groups. You could join my private Facebook Group, GRANDwomen with Moxie… Where loneliness disappears. The women are warm and open and talk about how they are feeling as widows, too.
As Napoleon Hill said, “The only thing we really have any control over is our mental attitude.” So, grab control of yours Patricia and be persistent in your quest and think out loud that your best is yet to come.
I hope I helped.
I follow you on a regular basis and I agree whole hardily that WOMEN NEED WOMEN! I just had a conversation with a friend who told me, “I don’t need women friends, I have my husband!” Really, your husband takes the place of friends?
What happens when something happens to him, then what? Don’t you miss “girl talk?”
Yikes, I was beyond dumbfounded.
If you want to continue this conversation with your friend, I would tell her you respect her feelings, and ask her to do the same. You know the saying, “different strokes for different folks.” We are all entitled to personal feelings.
I would approach my friend if the topic comes up this way.
There is a big difference between a relationship (marriage) and a friendship (girlfriends.). Each relationship fills different needs.
A relationship is intimate, a lifetime commitment, an investment. It is love.
A friendship can vary from acquaintances to best friends. But all have something in common. Girlfriends share a camaraderie. Girlfriends are a sisterhood. And, girlfriends give one another sisterly support, there is a solidarity between girlfriends. Women need women.
I agree with you 100%. We need both.
Sending you my warmth, sister.
The thing I struggle with the most is having confidence in my decision making. It will only be a year come May 5 that I lost my husband. We were together 43 years and he made most of the decisions. I would get his support even on my own choices at times.
How does one gain more confidence in making major decisions without constantly questioning yourself?
I know how you are feeling. I understand because I was a widow. You are still going through mourning so please don’t be hard on yourself. You need this time to digest a life without your husband and it is very difficult. There are no words to describe the feeling over the loss of a loved one.
There is a little book I suggest you purchase. It was given to me the day I lost my late husband, Michael. The title is: “How to Survive the Loss of a Love“. There is a new edition but I suggest you buy a used first edition because it is far better. This little book taught me so much about the stages of mourning and helped me through the pain.
When you are ready, and you will know, to take on a new lifestyle, you will have to learn to make your own decisions. And, you will as long as you don’t let the fear of failure stand in your path. Give yourself a chance to step out of your comfort zone. You may falter in some of the choices you make but you will learn from the mistake and not let it happen again.
Often times we are wise enough to know what we do not know. This is important to recognize and accept. If you are confronted with situations you are unable to handle, don’t let fear or embarrassment stop you from seeking the advice of someone who can help you resolve your problem. And, if you don’t know the right person to ask for assistance, then make the decision to not stop until you do.
Take little steps. Don’t be hard on yourself. The most important action you will eventually take… is to start.
I don’t know your lifestyle, your personality type or your family situation to guide you in the right direction of making a new life for yourself and I wish I did. I would say this: If you don’t already belong to a group you enjoy and don’t have a circle of close friends, I would join a group of your liking. When you join a group you will meet like-minded men and women. And, I am sure they would love to help you think through some of the situations you want to share and offer their help. And, now with the COVID-19, there are visual groups on almost every subject matter. So make the decision to plunge in and make a plan. A first step, Katya.
Oh! I forgot to mention there is a live interview on the honeygood.com site that I gave on the topic of how I personally survived the first year of my Widowhood. Click HERE to listen if you want to. It is your decision!
We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.