Ask Honey – Advice For Women Over 50
January 16, 2020 – “Reinvention”
Good Morning Darlings,
Today I am going to answer three questions on the subject of trust and betrayal.
Most people are trusting.
Thank goodness because without trust society would crumble. The need to trust our doctor, our attorney, our dog walker, our banker, our hairstylist, and others is paramount to our survival. Interpersonal relationships would be non-existent without a large degree of trust.
Trust is also related to strong emotional ties with another individual or individuals. Let’s call this, betrayal.
Our instincts play a large role in who we put our trust. We should ask ourselves the following questions:
Is the person or company reliable?
Does the person or company have a good reputation?
Is the person or company able to win your trust?
Do not accept as truth anything you hear without evidence or investigation.
I think one of the most important words in our vocabulary that will make or break our life is the word, choice. Therefore, your first choice should be not to accept as truth anything you hear about a person or a company without evidence and investigation. This is your choice.
My problem is trust issues. Thank you for your help!
Dear Anonymous C52,
You leave me in the dark with your vague question so I will have to assume your question relates to not feeling secure in trusting your judgment or someone you trusted broke your trust.
Please read what I wrote as my opening statement. If your problem is your lack of ability to trust others there is a way to solve your dilemma. You can begin to solve your problem by taking your time to investigate the person(s) reputation. When you have reliable evidence you can make an intelligent decision. If your problem rests with your inability to trust others the method above will help you gain self-confidence. I also believe you should listen to your heart. It gives off a signal. So, give strong credence to your sought after evidence and your heart and then make your choice.
On the other hand, if someone broke your trust and created a trust issue in the relationship, to what degree I don’t know if it is with a doctor or a banker, or your dog walker or even an Indian Chief, fire them and use the tools in the first paragraph to find the right person the next time.
If it is a friend, remember this, every woman at one time or another is disappointed by a woman she trusted, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Be sad. Be angry. Feel hurt. But, get over it. One of my very close friends told me long ago, “Blessed is she who expects nothing from somebody, for she will never be disappointed.”
The trust between a couple or your parents, children, and other family members is a very serious situation. It is impossible for me to give you in-depth advice because I don’t know who you are referring to or your situation.
I do know this. Face your situation head-on. Don’t bury it. You have a choice to do nothing and continue to be unhappy or seek out professional help after you have reliable evidence, that you are making the right choice. I personally would begin my journey back to happiness by reading about an area of psychology called, Positive Psychology and if you agree with me, look for a Positive Psychologist in your area.
I leave you with four words, Anonymous: Investigate. Evidence. Therapy and CHOICE.
I am lonely and unhappy because I am afraid to put my confidence in others. What can I do? Please give me a few ideas on how to break out of this rut.
Everyone has uncertainty about whom to trust and how much. It is up to you to make choices and it is not always clear how to do this when the fear of trusting others seems to seriously be impacting your life. Fortunately, you can relearn to trust.
You have acknowledged you have a trust issue. This is the first step. That is great. Now you can put yourself to work to resolve the problem. Therefore, the next step should be seeking out a qualified Positive Psychologist, a spiritual leader, or other qualified mental health professionals. I am a believer in Positive Psychology.
Visiting a professional will become the first test in learning how to trust. Do your homework before you chose the person who is right for you because this will be your first in-depth relationship to begin rebuilding or building trust in others. Let’s replace the word fear with the word trust. Start today, Lindy.
I hope you trust my thoughts.
I am not comfortable with trusting people outside of my family. I trust my family 100% but I guess I am a “split truster” if there is such a person. However, I do want to trust women and others. What are signs I should look for inside my personality to try and resolve my lack of trusting others so I can try and move forward? Thank you, Honey.
You are halfway there to a happy life. Family first and they have earned your trust. Now onto those friends, acquaintance, and others who you have trouble trusting. Think about how you think and handle trust issues that arise.
Are you a forecaster? Do you forecast how another person will treat you without evidence? Gather your evidence.
Do you want to trust people too quickly? Remember, trust has to be earned. Slow down.
Do you guard yourself against sharing information on sticky issues? You should. Remember, don’t tell a secret you want to remain a secret because once you tell someone your secret it is no longer a secret!
You are not with women who mirror your values and lifestyle. In other words, your relationships are shallow though you are not a shallow person. In this instance, you feel you have to protect your inner you. And, you are correct. These relationships should be based on light conversation, not trust.
You have made mistakes about people you thought were trustworthy. We have all made those mistakes. Don’t allow that to ruin your self-confidence. You will be defeating yourself.
Here is a quote that I keep on my desk.
“If trust didn’t require risk, it wouldn’t be trust. And, without trust, fear is the only possibility.”
Be a GRANDWOMAN with Moxie, Barbara, and don’t let the fear of fear stop you from completing your home run. You can do it and become a trusting woman in most circumstances.
Please send me your topic on Beauty and Fashion. I need your blog on make-up primers.
Thank you, Honey!
Very happy to send it to you and I will also reprint it here for you and the other women to enjoy.
We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.