So many of you commented on my story entitled, Peer Pressure after 50: It does Exist and You Can Make a Difference.
Before I commence with Act Two, I want you to know how much I respected each and every one of you as I read and replied to your comments on HoneyGood.com and on my HoneyGood Facebook page. I am proud to call you my community of friends. You are exemplary women, darlings! My mother always taught me, “you are judged by the company you keep.” You are my keepers and I hope I am yours. And now: Act Two.
Zelda, Geraldine, & the One and Only… Bullyista
After the incident, Zelda was reeling with disbelief. She was angry at herself for not leaving the card game after Bullyista’s verbal bullying, and she was shocked that Geraldine, her close friend, was the harbinger of bad news. She, Zelda, was asked to leave the game for two weeks until Bullyista, a snowbird left for the season.
Out of the blue, four days later, Zelda’s phone rang. It was Geraldine calling to congratulate her for an accomplishment and suggested getting together for dinner with another couple. Not a word of the incident was mentioned by either woman. Zelda was uncomfortable during the conversation, as she felt differently toward Geraldine and moved her out of the category of girlfriend and into the category of ‘acquaintance.’
When unfortunate situations occur, our emotions take over and we are emotionally blindsided. It can take a while to put everything into perspective; such was the case with Zelda. She could not understand what could have been going through Geraldine’s mind when she accepted the unpleasant task of making the call to her.
After a week or more, Zelda knew she could not pass this off as a forgive and forget happening and pretend all was ok. It was too hurtful. Therefore, she had two choices: walk away from a close friendship without a discussion or call Geraldine and invite her to breakfast to discuss what happened.
Zelda decided she would invite her to breakfast because she could not let go of her anger. She wanted to tell Geraldine how she felt on the receiving end of that phone call. She wanted to put this behind her for her own welfare. She did not want to be the warden and tell Geraldine what she did wrong. Her goal was to tell Geraldine how she felt. It proved to be the right decision.
Geraldine was happy to meet her for breakfast.
Zelda told her how she felt, leaving nothing unsaid. Geraldine, between Zelda’s remarks, expressed how she felt and what had happened. She told Zelda she still felt terrible.
What Should Have Been Done to Bullyista
Before I tell you what went on behind the scenes that led up to the phone call to Zelda, here is my interpretation of what I would have done. There was only one way this should have played out for all concerned, and I hope if any of you are ever placed in a situation where you are dealing with a friend who is a bully, you, too, will give them a good lesson. In this case: THROW THE ONE AND ONLY BULLYISTA OUT OF THE GAME until she can behave herself. You are doing your friend a favor, and you are sparing an innocent person.
What Actually Happened Behind the Scenes
When women live in a snowbird community for six months, I don’t have to tell you what goes on. There is a large card room where the women congregate many times during the week and play mahjong, canasta, and bridge. Everyone has a ‘card reputation.’
Over breakfast, Geraldine explained to Zelda that not one woman in that huge card room would play with Bullyista, other than her forever best friend. The best friend invited Geraldine into the game. The best friend did not have the courage to confront Bullyista, so it was decided since Zelda could get into any game because her ‘card reputation’ was perfect, she could get a game and would rejoin the group in two weeks after Bullyista left for the season. Geraldine would tell Zelda because they were close friends. That was the scenario, darlings.
Zelda was able to forgive and forget even though she knew Geraldine acted poorly. It was one of those unfortunate happenings but in Zelda’s mind not enough to damage their friendship.
Choices, darlings, otherwise called decisions, are what make and break us throughout our lifetimes. We are women over 50 who have experienced life at its best and at its worst. We have become intuitive about people and peoples’ actions. In long-standing friendships, we have to weigh the odds and make a decision that feels right for ourselves. Not what feels right for the offender.
Zelda left breakfast happy. In fact, her anger was gone. She could see, as she sat across the table from Geraldine, over breakfast, her friend’s face, and she could hear remorse in her friend’s voice expressing sorrow for her actions. She knew she had made the right choice.
Lessons to be Learned From Act Two
- Every friendship worthwhile should not be tossed aside until there is a face-to-face conversation.
- To err is human; to love is divine. Weigh all the pros and cons before you end a friendship.
- Have the courage to take a stand against any person or situation where there is a wrong being committed.
Don’t you think?
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