Yourself, Selfies, and Your Enchanted Self

The expression, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken,” is the reality that shocks and pleases. On one hand, we might have wished to be someone else, either living their life or just aspects of it. Maybe their hair or their clothing, or their house or their darling dog. Most of the time these thoughts pass. Occasionally a woman may have disturbing thoughts about wanting to be someone else, so-in-so won the prize “I thought I deserved. I’m jealous on one hand and on the other hand, I wish I were her.”

It is commonly understood in the mental health field that self-esteem is essential for good mental health, and the importance of self-acceptance is widely recognized.

Being satisfied with ourselves can become quite a chore, instead of a pleasure. I have found in my work with women, there are ways that can really help us to feel whole in our own skin and never wish to be someone else.

1. The Power of the Selfie, a Modern-Day Miracle

Remember the days when you could not take your own picture? You had to pose and wait and encourage someone into taking your picture; Sometimes to discover that the angle of the picture was awful! No one should ever be allowed to see this picture. Now, no women are ever dependent on having someone take our picture. We can take our own. We can get the angle exactly right and enjoy the results.

The selfie camera has given us rights that we never had before. And there is even more bounty. We can carry our cell phones anywhere with us and make notes, not get lost with complicated maps to figure out, and even keep a spoken and picture diary of our outings. We are independent in a new way that never existed before.

2. Ancestry.com & Other Search Tools

Did you ever try to find out about your great-grandparents 40 years ago? It was hard. Often, we just gave up searching or we had to pay someone to search for us. Now with a speck of our DNA, we can find and be found by many relatives who each have stories to add to what we know about our family history. Often the search sites themselves have pictures and family trees established. It is amazing. So far I have met via Zoom, the phone, or in-person, a number of cousins. I’m amazed and delighted by the stories shared. Knowing about other family members fills out our sense of value as a human being. We were not just dropped here.

People like one of my grandmothers crossed Europe to run from war and poverty to finally get to the United States. She had with her three little girls, her candlesticks, and some personal items. Not much else. Crossing the continent was hard but even harder may have been steerage class in a rocking boat with 3 small girls. Yet when she landed finally, she got down on her knees and kissed the earth. It meant that much to her to be in the United States! Wow, and I have some of her genes! Talk about a boost of self-esteem!

3. The Power of Positive Therapy

Positive therapy, inspired by the principles of positive psychology, invites us to focus on the uplifting and empowering aspects of our lives. Rather than dwelling on what’s wrong, a positive psychologist encourages us to celebrate our positive states—hope, happiness, resiliency, and a sense of meaning. Through this approach, we learn to retrieve and cherish our positive memories, using them as stepping stones to build stronger coping skills and spark creative thinking.

When we embrace positive therapy, we begin to see our life as an enchanted journey, full of opportunities for growth and self-discovery. The Enchanted Self, a positive therapy approach, teaches people how to unlock their lost potential by recognizing the strengths and joys hidden within their own stories. By focusing on what brings us happiness and meaning, we can transform challenges into opportunities for growth, and setbacks into lessons of hope. This journey is not about ignoring difficulties, but about balancing them with the light of our positive experiences, so we can move forward with greater confidence and joy.

4. Therapeutic Approaches to Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a deeply personal journey, and therapeutic intervention can be a powerful guide along the way. Approaches developed by experts like Barbara Becker Holstein draw from positive psychology to help individuals—especially women and teens—explore their memories, past experiences, and unique strengths. By reflecting on our lives, we can uncover coping skills and talents that may have been overlooked, and begin to reclaim any lost potential.

The Enchanted Self approach offers a gentle framework for this exploration, encouraging us to revisit positive memories and moments of enchantment that have shaped who we are. Through therapy, writing, and creative exercises, we can develop a more hopeful and empowered sense of self. This process is especially meaningful for those from diverse backgrounds, as it honors each person’s unique story and helps them find their place in the world. By embracing our past and recognizing our inner resources, we open ourselves to new possibilities and a brighter, more enchanted future.

6. Expert Insights from Barbara Becker Holstein

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein stands as a beacon in the world of positive psychology and positive therapy. With decades of experience in private practice, she has dedicated her career to helping women, teens, and many others discover the magic within themselves. As a positive psychologist, Dr. Holstein’s work centers on creative thinking, self-discovery, and the transformative power of positive memories.

Through her books, public speaking, and innovative therapeutic approaches, Dr. Holstein has inspired countless clients to embrace their Enchanted Self and pursue new directions in life. Her writing and teaching offer practical tools for growth, resiliency, and happiness, empowering individuals to take control of their journey and unlock their full potential. Whether in her private practice or through her published works, Dr. Holstein continues to shape the field of positive psychology, guiding others to live more meaningful, enchanted lives. Her wisdom reminds us that with the right support and mindset, we can all transform our lives and find joy in the everyday moments that make us who we are.

3. Spending Time to Further Recognize & Reclaim Your Enchanted Self

It is great to find out your heritage and strengths that you may have inherited. It is even more powerful to truly recognize your current strengths and talents. Recognizing and harnessing your unique talent is essential for personal growth and resilience, as it allows you to rediscover your potential and empower yourself through life’s challenges. Just think about yourself. Even during the Pandemic and all its challenges, I bet you have displayed lots of strength and talents.

What have you done? Do not think about what you have not done? Try to look at yourself sunny side up. Have you boosted someone else’s mood? Have you cooked something special? Or, have you been in touch with friends or checked on neighbors? Have you cared for others? Have you kept working so others could have a service you provide? I am sure if you are honest to yourself there is a diamond in the rough inside of you. Do not ignore it as it is your ticket to your Enchanted Self. And now in my last point let me explain a bit further why it is so important to recognize and hold on to your Enchanted Self.

4. When We Recognize How Unique, Special & Talented, in Small or Bigger Ways, We Don’t Put Ourselves Down as Much

We respect and see ourselves as whole human beings, trying the best we can. We see ourselves as valuable and that it is important to take care of ourselves, medically, mentally, physically, etc. And, we deserve to eat healthfully and to have pleasure in our lives. We have the confidence to apologize and/or make something right if we can. We realize we can be helpful in this work, whether what we offer is big or small. And lastly, we realize how good we feel when we stay connected, try to be helpful, respect others, offer our talents, and give feelings of hope and love wherever we can. It is also important to teach people to recognize their strengths and their potential for happiness and resilience. And guess what! Your Enchanted Self is flourishing.

Who else would you want to be? Yes, I am taken. I am taken by myself and it is great!

Sometimes friends and colleagues call me, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein: ‘The Enchanted Self.’ That’s because as a psychologist in private practice for over 35 years, I’ve developed a form of positive psychology called The Enchanted Self. I’m not enchanted, but I do have many ways and ideas to help all of us feel better through all stages of life. These methods help us to recognize our potential, regardless of our age, to grab on to our talents and find again and again the emotional energies needed to be creative, resourceful, resilient, and to live joyfully.

My diverse interests include drama, poetry, and other creative pursuits, which enrich my approach to psychology and personal development.

In two minutes share with the ‘girl’ from my books, The Truth, Diary of a gutsy Tween and Secrets, Diary of a Gutsy Teen, and my films, the ‘girl’ who has no name, as she is all of us. Share with her as she goes from despair to elation as we most, not only in today’s pandemic but as we travel through life. Enjoy seeing the joy she finds loving and connecting once more and bring it home to your and your grand-kids. Watch the film at: https://vimeo.com/402998418 and feel free to pass it along!

Dr. Holstein brings a diverse background to her work, drawing from her experiences in drama, creative thinking, writing, poetry, classroom teaching, and psychology. Her multidisciplinary expertise has allowed her to develop a unique approach that has influenced therapists to focus more on clients’ strengths and positive experiences rather than solely on problems. In her client-centered approach, she teaches clients to recognize and build upon their strengths, memories, and potential, fostering happiness, resilience, and self-empowerment. Dr. Holstein is known for describing her methodology in detail, teaching positive psychology principles that empower individuals. She contrasts her approach with traditional pathology-focused therapy by emphasizing empowerment and resilience over diagnosing and treating mental disorders.

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