Today is designated International Day of Charity, thus I decided to muse on giving back. The first thing that comes to all of our minds when we hear the word charity is giving back to those in need for a myriad of reasons.

I know that women who want to give back to others are happier because we see and feel the needs of family, friends, coworkers, and strangers. You are thinking of your list, of course. And I am 100% certain you did not add yourself after the word stranger because it feels uncomfortable and selfish to give back to yourself. This is what we were taught as children.

Two True Stories: How to Give Back to Yourself

A MARVELOUS DECISION

A very close friend phoned me yesterday. We don’t talk often and we see each other even less frequently because we live in different cities.

She told me she took a family cruise, as many families do over the summer. Her family cruise woke her up to the realization that from now on, it is her time. Before the family cruise, she was invited to go on a winter cruise with a friend. Although she wanted to go, she turned down the invitation because of her family.

After her family experience on the cruise, she phoned her friend and said she had changed her mind. She booked her ticket and felt marvelous with her decision. She is now enjoying giving back to herself.

ADVENTURES IN PANAMA

A few years ago, my ultimate concierge had a business meeting in Panama. Wherever he goes, I go. The meeting was during the same week one of my grands was graduating high school, and the graduation date was a meaningful milestone for our family. We made the decision to leave early so we could attend the celebration in Arizona, and that moment of choosing to be there was significant for us.

Storms delayed us in the Panama Airport for seven hours. We arrived in Miami after midnight and took a bus to a motel to spend the night.

We were up the next morning at 5:00 am to catch our 7:00 am flight to Arizona. If we had not gone, we would not have been missed. Am I glad we attended? Of course. Will I do it again. No.

My Learnings

I have read quite a lot on the topic of giving back to yourself because I was one of those women who felt if I did think of myself first, it was a selfish act. It can feel wrong at first to put yourself first, but it is actually necessary for your well-being.

Certainly I continue to practice do unto others as you would like others to do unto you; however, I have added one caveat and now practice doing unto myself as well. After much soulsearching and reading, I know that nurturing myself is neither selfish nor narcissistic. It is emotionally and physically healthy. Self love is both a mindset and a practice, involving daily habits and intentional routines that foster a positive relationship with oneself. Establishing a daily routine that supports self-care and well-being can make a significant difference in how you feel and function each day.

Caring for yourself, devoid of ego, is the most unselfish things you can and should do for yourself. Practicing compassion and self compassion towards yourself is essential for emotional health, as is recognizing and reframing negative thoughts with kindness and understanding. Being honest with yourself about your feelings and needs is an important part of this process. Giving yourself permission to prioritize your own needs and well-being is a crucial step in this journey.

It is equally important for women younger than 50 and older than 50 to ensure they stay healthy in mind, body and spirit. Well-being and self care are vital for maintaining physical, mental, and emotional health. Why? Because when you allow yourself to be the best you can be, you have both the clarity and energy to give back. Setting boundaries is also important to protect your energy and maintain balance. Remember, your feelings and experiences matter in your journey of self-love.

Personal growth requires patience, as well as aligning your actions with your values and recognizing that you are worthy of self-love.

How I Give Back to Myself

1. I spend time alone to smell the flowers when America and I take our early morning walks.

At the end of each walk, we climb the steps–50 in total–to the top of the Museum of Contemporary Art. From our high vantage point, we savor moments of mindfulness and presence, allowing ourselves to reflect on our thoughts and focus on our inner world. We listen to the sounds around us, while also listening to our own feelings and emotions as they arise. We take time to hear both the world outside—birds, footsteps, distant city sounds—and our inner voice, tuning in to what we truly need. This walk creates a space for self-care and emotional well-being, giving us time to notice how we feel and the different feels that come up. America hugs my body as Orchid used to do and I am at peace.

2. I write from my heart.

Early mornings, I climb out of bed and write. Writing is a form of reflection and joy; I use this time to give back to myself and reap the benefits of making myself happy. Putting my thoughts and feelings into words helps me express and understand myself more deeply. Through talking to myself on the page or speaking my truth, I often discover new insights about who I am and what I need. Writing allows me to process emotions, clear my head, and address negative thoughts with self compassion. By writing, you create a space for self-discovery and growth, intentionally shaping your journey toward self-love. I write with hope for the future, always hoping to grow and become more resilient. Journaling is also a way to acknowledge my progress and feelings, celebrating each step forward. My advice to you, darlings, is to find time for a hobby or career that feeds your needs.

3. I surround myself with compassionate, supportive people who I respect.

Their presence nourishes me from the inside out. I seek support from friends who respect my boundaries and understand the importance of being treated with kindness and respect—this is essential for self-love. I use my resources wisely to nurture these relationships, ensuring they align with my values and focusing on what truly matters to me. I also manage what I expect from others and myself, recognizing that healthy expectations help maintain well-being. When setting boundaries, I choose how to respond to others in a way that supports my well-being and intentional communication. I live by the five-second rule. In five second’s time, a woman knows upon first meeting if she is in sync with another woman.

4. I work out and eat well.

Nourishing my body and my mind, I take boxing lessons, lift weights, do stretching exercises and I walk America. I eat regularly veggies and fish and take a few vitamins. These habits are essential for my overall well-being and self care, helping me fill my energy reserves and manage stress. Keeping a to do list helps me stay organized and prioritize my self-care activities, making it easier to maintain healthy routines. I also tend to my body by prioritizing sleep as part of my routine, ensuring I am rested and resilient.

5. I walk on the positive side of life.

I stay cool, calm and collected–except for technology, which is a daily part of my life. I even laugh at that because, as Ines says, “Oy, now she is getting an Apple watch.” And, darlings I am!

Maintaining a positive outlook means holding onto hope and practicing patience, especially during challenging times. It’s important to show compassion to yourself and others as part of living authentically. Stay true to your soul, and acknowledge pain and angry feelings when they arise—they are natural and valuable parts of your emotional experience. Don’t forget your own needs, and remember to stop giving to others at your own expense.

6. I put my ultimate concierge above all else.

Putting a husband or significant other first is giving back to yourself. So many mothers and grandmothers put their adult children, grandchildren or careers before the most important person in their lives. When you put your best friend before yourself, your children or your grands, you are giving back to yourself. It is the feeling of devoted love. And, darlings, nothing beats love.

Give yourself permission to prioritize your own happiness and well-being in your relationship. When you are treated with love and respect, it reinforces your sense of being worthy of care and affection. Creating a space for love and support in your relationship helps both partners feel safe and valued. Consider creating rituals or habits that nurture your bond and strengthen your connection.

Add yourself to the list of your charities. Pay yourself. Start a new shoot on your bloom and be sure to give back to beautiful you.

How do you make yourself a priority in your life? What practices do you use to give back to yourself? Share your ideas in the comments below or on Facebook. 

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