Friendships unlike, marriage or parental relationships, are often placed at the bottom of the list of close relationships. I think friendships are unique because we choose our friends. There is no formal structure, therefore we may go a very long time, even years without seeing our close friends.
Although our friendships change over the years, the consistency of what we want in our friends remains the same. Therefore, rekindling old friendships, in my mind, comes naturally because we have always had the choice to get out or stay in. Our friends remain friends because we want them in our lives. They listen to us. We can often depend on them and they bring us contentment and joy. The years never alter these feelings.
Rekindling Old Friendships
I suggest rekindling old friendships that provide you with a warm and fuzzy feeling. At this stage of our lives, it is important to ask yourself why you drifted apart. If it was over a happening, I would not forsake my time mending bridges. I know this sounds harsh, but this is how I feel. On the other hand, if someone were to try and rekindle an old friendship with me, I would likely be open.
If, on the other hand, the close friendship ended because of a move to a new location and the feelings are warm and fuzzy, I would give my time and my heart. So, my darlings, here is my first rule of thumb:
When you have a close and special bond with your friends, never ever let them go. Remember that nothing good happens by accident. You have to want to take the time to rekindle. The rest comes naturally. Old and close friendships never die. I will prove it to you, darlings.
My Girlfriend Emilie
I met Emily when I moved to Honolulu. We were kindred spirits although we each danced to our own rhythm. She was the girlfriend who came up behind me, put her hand on my shoulder at my late husband Michael’s funeral and whispered, “I am here to listen to you.” Because of the suddenness of Michael’s death those are the only seven words I remember that day. How could I not love Emily!
I have seen Emilie twice since moving to my beautiful Chicago, but my ties to her are as strong as the day we said goodbye in Hawaii.
A few days ago an email from Emily appeared in my inbox.
“Susan, darling, just wondering if you are up for a short visit in August?”
Obviously you know by the darling she reads my musings! I am overjoyed and am already planning on what we will share together, beside my ultimate concierge, while she is in the city. I know she loves the theatre. She preforms and directs. She loves poetry, writing and art. She is a southern belle from her childhood days and has returned to her roots. She is married to a terrific man, has a beautiful daughter Kaitlin, several grands and suffered a horrific loss when her darling, brilliant, kind and loving son was murdered. There was no rekindling; old, close friendships never die.
My Girlfriend Louise
I had not seen Louise since I was 20. We were college suitemates. I coincidentally bumped into Louise in 2015 in a beauty shop in Rancho Mirage, California. I was having a manicure and had my pooch, Orchid with me. Louise was having a pedicure and had her book with her. When I got up from my chair, I passed her and did a double take. She did as well and the rest is history.
We picked up where we left off. We often walk with our pooches in the early mornings in Rancho Mirage. She is in my woman’s group in Rancho Mirage. There was no rekindling; as I mentioned, the friendships between kindred spirits never die.
Kankakee by the Sea High School Friendships
One of my classmates would send me emails after reading some of my musings. In one email, she suggested I drive from my beautiful Chicago to Kankakee by the Sea to meet my high school classmates for lunch. They met once a month. This appealed to me and with my ultimate concierge in tow, off we drove to Kankakee by the Sea for lunch. I have now made this a yearly happening and excitedly look forward to lunching with my class. Nothing good happens by accident, darlings.
I could tell you many interesting stories about dear friends who continue to be a part of my life. There are also women I have not seen who I would enjoy seeing and vice versa. If I am in their vicinity or they are in mine, we will spend time together.
4 Ways to Rekindle These Friendships
- Exchange emails, texts and phone calls – Share information about your personal life. This is a great way to keep in touch and rekindle friendships. Emailing, texting and phone calls can become a daily, weekly or monthly practice to reconnect with old friends.
- Do something together apart – You can read the same novel and discuss. You can join an online private network. My network is on my homepage within the navigation bar. Click on the word ‘Network’ and ask your friend to do the same. You can join any groups that interest you, talk to one another and connect online.
- Visit one another – What an opportunity to visit your friend and explore her lifestyle in her community.
- Plan a trip – The best of the best with one another or with partners.
Rekindling an old friendship can be one of the strongest bonds because we are deliberately choosing a close connection. I am ending my musings the way I began, aren’t I darlings? You only need two ingredients for a rekindled friendship to work: the desire to foster the connection and the commitment to put in the effort. It certainly pays off.