Life Without Guilt

May 29, 2018 Published by
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Life Without Guilt

I am back in my beautiful Chicago. I feel a calmness as I gaze straight ahead and see Lake Michigan out of the windows in our apartment in the sky. Its magnificence takes my breath away.

I purposely turn my head to the right to look at the city skyscape, hundreds of buildings aglow in the early morning sun. I feel the city’s energy. I walk around our condo high in the sky on the 71st floor and smile as I touch my grandmother’s Chinese bowl holding a white Orchid.

I stop and smile at my collection of turtles that mean long life in the Chinese culture and feel nostalgic as I gaze at the last photo taken of Orchid, Shelly and me. I am home. I am delightfully content and happy. I am grateful for my perfect lifestyle in my beautiful Chicago.

“What a difference a woman’s environment can make,” I think to myself. I do not feel a kinship to Palm Springs, California, my home away from home. I have had this feeling for a long time, years to be exact. I have to fight to be ‘me’ in California. In Chicago, I am ‘me.’

I Gotta Be Me

I know what made my heart sing and it is not Palm Springs.

Instead of considering my needs, I put my ultimate concierge’s happiness before my own because I truly thought I could adapt. After all, I pride myself on my adaptability.

I must say, my husband was not selfish. He told me he would put our home on the market. I knew how happy he was and I did not want to rob him of a lifestyle he loved.  

But one year led to another year to another year in Palm Springs. I finally said to myself, “It is my turn.”

How I Learned to Say Yes to My Needs

I was on the precipice of making a big decision because I would be upsetting the apple cart. I was asking my husband to sell our beautiful home; a home we built together.

I was asking him to leave a community he enjoyed and asking him to pull up stakes and resettle in an unknown community on a sea. Yes, I want to live on a sea.

I want to walk the beach with my guy (he loves the beach) and I want our new abode to be indoor-outdoor living overlooking an ocean. I want to sit outside on my Lanai and write. I want to entertain new friends. I want an island lifestyle.

What I didn’t want to do was contend with GUILT. But how?

I knew my guilt was unavoidable because when we take it upon ourselves to tell those we love we want to make a life change that will affect them, guilt is inescapable.

I found that once I made the decision to live with my guilt, I had control over my decision. It is a very liberating feeling, darlings.

I think it is important to learn how to embrace guilt because it helps us face other fears such as telling a close friend no or telling your children you cannot make an event. So many times I shortchange myself because I prefer not to live with the guilt.

What You Should Remember

After making a decision, take action, then tell yourself to let the guilt go and focus on the positive result of your choice.

My ultimate concierge knew without a doubt, that the physical environment and the community I lived in had an overpowering negative effect on my personal happiness. Therefore, he decided it was time to make a lifestyle change. That was the frosting on the cake.

That means a big move hopefully sooner than later. I believe it is going to be a new fairy tale beginning and I am excited to enter it with my ultimate concierge.

Don’t Let Guilt Hold You Back

Many of you have visions that require a life change. It may be large or small. Tackle it. Feeling your guilt is natural and understanding it is part of the process. Once you know this is what is best for you, focus on the positive that lies ahead and let the guilt go. 

Do you experience guilt in your everyday life? Please share your thoughts and experiences either in the comments below or on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram.

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6 Comments

  • Pamela A Smith says:

    I thank you so much for this timely muse; it was confirmation for me. After my husband retired at 55 from corporate life, he decided to pursue a vocation in education and move us from Boston to the wild west. We sold our family home and vacation home, and I had to sell my half of a design firm. I was seething inside. Our youngest was in his final year of college, and I thought we would settle into a comfortable life of empty nesting. Moving to Utah would have the perk of being closer to our daughter, but that was it. Though I have made many friends, I have never been content. I do not have a “kinship” with the state; it does not make my heart sing. After 11 years, we are making a permanent move to Georgia, and I could not be happier and feel like I am going home. Though I was raised in Illinois, Georgia was the place I wanted to live after college…I even wrote it in my high school yearbook. My daughter has lived on St. Simon for several years, my sons and their families reside in the Atlanta area, and I have spent Christmas and every July for the past five years being a guest. Soon I will become a resident! I am thrilled! I have never been able to put words to my feelings regarding life in Utah until reading “kinship”. Thank you for putting words to my feelings and removing my guilt.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      You are so so welcome. I am glad you are going where you feel you belong. Warmly, Honey

    • Karen Jackson says:

      The South will always welcome you “home”. I pray that you enjoy a lot of wonderful years living near your children and that you will find new soul friends that will help carry you on this part of your journey.

  • Dianne says:

    I enjoyed reading the blog this morning concerning “Guilt”. I have a lot of that and not sure how to get rid of it. I moved in with my daughters family about 11 years ago and I feel that they built the house to accommodate me also, much bigger than they should have. I feel the guilt of leaving them behind to take care of this house and also make the payments, that I am not sure they can do. But I am 67 years old and have been single for over 18 years and I need a change. I still work fulltime which it gives me satisfaction but I need more. I am not even sure how to go about this because I have lived in everyone elses life for so long I feel that I don’t have my own, except at work. Any suggestions? I have even thought of talking to someone just to get it all out. Please don’t take my burden on you and get you down. I just needed a suggestion. I don’t like being a burden.

    • Violet O'Brien-Hill says:

      Hello, Perhaps you moved in with your daughter a little too soon. You are, however, still a young woman. Yes, you could talk to someone to get it all out, but you also need to have a life of your own where you can fill fulfilled, besides at work. Maybe even try a dating site. Meet someone to go places with, out to dinner, movies museums, etc. Don’t give up on “you”. Please try, hopefully your daughter will understand. Good luck!!

  • Nancy says:

    What is an ultimate concierge?

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