How to just say ‘no,’ and why it’s good for you

February 28, 2017 Published by
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What it's important for women to learn to say 'no'

Last week, I spent hours over the course of two days doing something that I absolutely did not want to do. It was a situation where I once again said ‘yes,’ when I knew I really wanted to say, ‘no.’ Why did I say ‘yes?’ And, why in the future will I say “no” instead? Here’s why I am learning to say ‘no.’

I know I have written on this topic previously, but after a short discussion with two friends at lunch, I realized I needed to once again. I know you are beset with struggling to say ‘no’ – we all are!

During our chitter chatter I asked, “Do you have a hard time saying ‘no?’”

In a split second, with firm voices and in unison they answered, “Yes!”

I was somewhat surprised, as they are strong women and I thought they would be pros at saying ‘no.’ So I followed up with, “Why?”

Once again, their answers were the same:

  1. “Saying ‘yes’ makes me feel good.”
  2. “I am a pleaser.”
  3. “I am uncomfortable saying, ‘no.’”

Am I touching a nerve, dear readers? I absolutely agreed with them.

Learning to say ‘no’

Of course I thought about their comments in the shower, where you know I do my best thinking. My previous decision to say ‘yes’ when I wanted to say ‘no’ was once again on my mind. For two days, I faced endless stress and did not enjoy a single moment. I gave up hours of my time and I was miserable because I chose to use that three letter word – ‘yes.’

And so darlings, during my shower I cleansed my soul. I decided last week’s poor decision was the final straw. I am finished saying, ‘yes.’ From now on when I face a situation that I know will not bring me pleasure, I will use the word “no.” In that very moment, I could feel my mood shift from downright negative to outright positive.

I got out of the shower, dried myself off, spritzed on my favorite perfume, used my favorite body cream and turned on my Hawaiian music as I sighed and relaxed. I was beaming with positivity as I practiced saying the word out loud. “No, no, no,” I repeated over and over again. I felt redeemed. Why?

Because —at times —saying the word “no” is positive for us and saying the word “yes” is negative for us!

It is time for stylish women over 50 to stop saying “yes” just to please other people and instead, LOVE OURSELVES.

 Dear readers of mine:
Please yourself first.
Feel superior about your decisions.
LOVE YOURSELF.

Learning to say ‘no’ may be a challenging, but remember, saying ‘no’ does not mean you are being selfish. You are wise, savvy and living a stylish life over 50. That goes for yours truly, too. I am smiling.

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9 Comments

  • Nancy says:

    Honey Good
    I find the word No a lot harder to say then Yes.
    It’s hard cause when a friend ask a favor you want to not let them down .
    But then if your heart isn’t in it and there is no joy in it .
    Then I think it is better to say no
    Your going to be doing it with a bitter heart and for me any way things done with a bitter heart never seem to work out right .
    I think when I do it with joy that feel that joy too !!!
    Nancy

    • Honey Good says:

      Saying yes is hard when you want to say no and saying no makes us feel uncomfortable. because we care and want to help. Think about a decision that is right for you. where you are content when you do say, no.

  • Tina says:

    Thank you for that reminder! I struggled with a social obligation, where I knew I’d feel uncomfortable and recently gathered the courage to say "no". It was very difficult and awkward at first, but when I hung up the phone, liberation!

  • Joyce says:

    Thank you, Honey, this is excellent advice! I often find myself pulled in many directions and sometimes feel the need to make excuses for not granting a request from a friend or family member; a request to devote my precious time to something that I am not passionate about. From now on, a simple "no" will suffice. Now, off to the shower and then a good book. Peace.

  • Janellyn Cornacchione says:

    I am over 50 and agree with much of your advice, especially those who recognize themselves as "people pleasers." Often we DO get bogged down "helping" because we are good at the job or simply can’t say no. However there have been times, many after 50, when I did NOT want to do something, but my Spirit nudged me to say yes. In those cases, I am almost always blessed by a new friend, a word of affirmation, etc. All to say that when I’m not sure, I lean on the Lord for His decision.

    • Honey Good says:

      I am almost always blessed, too, when I do something I do not want to do. It happened the day I decided I had to start saying no. I was given the name of a writer. We have already had lunch and she was so delightful.. And a friendship was started. I still have to start saying no. because there are just so many hours in the day. Warmly,Honey

    • Honey Good says:

      I agree with you 100%. Thank you for writing in. Warmly, Honey.

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