When girls talk till 4 am, it is normal when their minds are active — when sleep will not come, when thoughts are racing, or when a late-night conversation with close friends turns into the kind of honest, reflective girl talk that only happens in the quiet hours. If you are a woman who stays up thinking, writing, texting, or replaying meaningful conversations with other women, this is for you.

It is 2:40 am, my computer screen is illuminated and I am wide awake. America and my ultimate concierge are sound asleep. Stillness surrounds me but my mind is racing. My circumstances wake me up nightly. Five years ago, I slept for nine hours every night. My daily life, at that time, was full but it did not please me, so I changed my life and my sleep habits went along for the ride.

You see darlings, there are not enough hours in my day so I have to rely on the night. I am so busy that I am dizzy trying to keep up on all fronts. That is why this subject feels so familiar: for many women, the early morning hours are not strange at all, but a real space for conversation, reflection, and connection, where friendship, safety, identity, and even technology can keep a text thread or phone call going far later than planned.

Many nights I wake up with stories racing in my head. My enthusiasm is high, and I am afraid that if I fall back asleep my writing will lose its substance. Sometimes my brain simply refuses to break for the night. I may be tired, but my thoughts keep moving, especially when I am thinking about my dreams, my work, or the people I love.

Here, I am talking about why women may be awake and communicating till 4 am, what those late-night talks can mean, and why silent night reflection often stays with us long after sunrise.

Last night, six of us had dinner. The two women at the table are two of my dearest friends. When I woke up this morning, I thought about how happy I am in their company and decided to write about a true happening that took place a few years ago about girlfriends.

The Early Morning Hours of the Night

Have you ever wondered, darlings, how many of your friends are awake at three in the morning? Have you ever wondered about the amount of communication you can accomplish by sacrificing an hour of beauty sleep during the early morning hours?

I found out—a lot!

The online back and forth girl talk conversations that took place with seven of my closest friends in the wee hours of the morning will never leave me. I recall the chatter vividly, word by word, especially a quote written to me by my girlfriend Penelope.

Around 3:00 am, I found myself wide awake. I climbed out of bed so as not to disturb my husband, my ultimate concierge Shelly. Curled up on the couch with my pooch Orchid, I began typing emails to seven of my girlfriends. Technology, social media, and the phone often keep these exchanges going until girls fall asleep or a reply gets hung up till dawn, and I knew this would save me an hour or more with the back and forth the following day.

I wasn’t sure how long the conversation would last, but I was interested in hearing what my girlfriends had to say and whether anyone would answer with real advice. There is something special about communicating in the middle of the night when the rest of the world is quiet. You can reach a point in a conversation where you stop worrying about the usual small talk and begin sharing what is really on your mind.

After finishing up the emails, I closed my laptop, opened an Architectural Digest and began scanning the pages. I love home decor. It was my usual way to wait for sleep to return without allowing my thoughts to take over.

Within minutes I heard my computer start talking to me—bing, bing, bing, bing, bing!

I smiled. My girlfriends were awake too.

Perhaps they were thinking about a relationship, a job, their families, or their own dreams. Perhaps they simply couldn’t sleep. Whatever the reason, no one seemed to bother with the fact that it was the middle of the night. That is why this subject feels so familiar: these talks may reflect bonding, safety, and identity processes among young women.

Sometimes you just need to talk.

Sometimes you need a break from your usual routine and a chance to say what you really feel. Hey, whether the other person is a friend or a guy, most people tend to relax when they hear a trusted voice, and it does not always matter if things happen the way they were supposed to.

I have learned that you cannot always expect your mind to follow the clock. There are nights when your thoughts are wide awake, and there are nights when your heart needs a little attention. Somewhere in the middle of those quiet hours, a simple conversation can become something meaningful.

And, darling, isn’t it funny how the conversations we never planned can sometimes become the ones we remember most?

Birds of a Feather Talk Late Together

I reached for my laptop, opened it and could not believe my eyes. All seven of my friends were awake and returning emails. Not only were they wide-awake, but they were online too!

Smiling, I began to read each email. And then, I emailed them back, “I cannot believe you are up and emailing me! Why are you awake?”

All types of answers came back.

“I am nocturnal. I am up every night at this hour. Why are you awake?” asked one friend.

“I have house guests coming today and my mind is racing a bit about my plans for tomorrow and the weekend, and I guess that is where my mind goes when I start thinking about the future. Why are you up?” commented another girlfriend.

Yet another friend responded, “I have a back-ache from working out too hard. It woke me. Why are you up?”

“Call me. I will tell you!” my divorceé friend wrote back. She doesn’t have a sleeping husband to contend with. I called her back and we talked for an hour at 3:00 am, and what happened in that conversation literally left me feeling less lost for a moment.

“My husband is snoring so loudly! Those sounds would make anyone annoyed. I hope my bags are from sleepless nights and not my age! So much fun to be emailing with you! Why are you up?” wrote another friend.

“I have jet lag. This is going to last for a few weeks! You must be jet-lagged, too? Is that why you are up?” asked another girlfriend who had recently been traveling.

In the course of the back and forth chatter between the six of us, I sat with the seventh email from Penelope. She wrote simply, “I love the silence of the night.” There’s truth in that, even if she’s the kind of person everyone assumes is fine after a long day at school, and then the quiet lets her finally exhale.

From Girl Talk To Peaceful Reflection

Upon reading her words I felt my body relax, and I sat a bit before going into a sublime ‘thinking mode.’ Why?

Because in our silence, we have the opportunity to listen to our mind churn out our thoughts and to make sense of what happened, whether the exchange came by email or just as easily over a weekend, when routines are off and people are still awake. For me ‘the silence of the night’ allows me to do some of my best thinking. It is hushed yet forceful and reflective; it often brings me into surprising, wonderful and necessary answers, and sometimes even tears.

When you are burning the midnight oil, I suggest we all “love the silence of the night.” Glorious and introspective thoughts may result. It’s no surprise, darlings, we women are so busy by day that by night, as the world stills, our thoughts continue to race. This is why late night girl talk and the resulting tranquility are such a blessing—and, in quiet moments like Penelope’s, an honest truth.

Have You Experienced Something Similar?

Darlings, are you up at late thinking? Who do you turn to for girl talk? Do tell, darlings! You can comment below on this post or connect with me on Facebook, Twitter and even Instagram. LET’S TALK!