Forming Lasting Connections Is a Universal NeedNovember 10, 2019
Connections are positive feelings between people, ideas, places, possessions, objects and concepts that often begin in childhood and continue throughout a person’s life. Forming lasting connections is universal. I cannot begin to count the number of connections that have played a significant role in educating me on how to present myself emotionally, socially, intellectually and as a woman to the world.
Healthy connections make good things happen. It begins with feeling a positive connection to yourself. Knowing who you are; feeling comfortable in your skin. This enables you to branch out in several directions and have several worthwhile connections, not only human connections, because you are authentic and not masquerading as someone other than who you really are.
The view out my window of the Swiss Alps on the way to London.
NOT ALL LASTING CONNECTIONS ARE HUMAN CONNECTIONS
Flying high above the Swiss Alps on our way to London on British Air, I felt a strong connection to nature as I gazed out the window at the wonder of the Swiss Alps below. Our trip had many highlights, including: visiting the Tate to take in its art and gazing at the splendor that is the city of London on The London Eye; the largest ferris wheel in the world. I remember desperately trying to understand the English actor’s accent at the theatre, which piqued my curiosity connecting me with knowledge. Relaxing at our favorite romantic hotel, Claridge’s, and late dining and dancing at Annabelle’s connected me to love for my ultimate concierge.
Seeing dear friends in London was another highlight that connected me to the need of community. This is so important in my life. The ‘icing on the cake’ or ‘the cherry on top’ was the self growth through different types of connections. The Alps, The Tate, The London Eye, Claridge’s, Annabelle’s, the theatre and friends, and my most important love being with me through it all were each an experience that created a vignette to store in my memory bank. Forming lasting connections with things other than people provides us with knowledge and curiosity, which is a must for a productive and happy life.
Shelly and I meeting new, young English friends at Claridge’s for afternoon tea. To die for!
FORMING LASTING CONNECTIONS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
My ultimate concierge was eating his lunch. Knowing that I did not order one, he offered some of his chicken to me. “Please have a little for me,” he said. Though I did not want it I accepted his offer because I felt his need to want to connect with me. And, as soon as I accepted I felt a deep connection to him. These are the little things, the tiniest things, that form connections.
As I looked out the window I become melancholy when I begin to think of the ins and outs of my connections with others; my family, my friends and acquaintances and I question myself, “What should I expect from my children and grands? What should I expect from my several friends? What do I give to my relationships? Am I deserving to have people want to build strong connections with me?”
My answer to every one of my question is yes and no because I am a realist. “Should I be sad,” I asked myself. My answer, “Yes and no.”
I think about my children and I am sad that I am no longer #1 in their lives, but I am glad that I gave them their roots, and then their wings.
Do I feel invisible in their lives? No, not at all. I thank God they have their husbands and children.
What about my grands? I am not their mother and can never be first in their lives, nor should I be. But I am connected and feel good about my role as their grandmother. I know they love and respect me and they know they can depend on me for everything. This is all normal, but at times a bit bittersweet.
What about connections with my friends? I believe what a dear friend told me about friendship. “If you don’t expect anything, you will never be disappointed.” The saying sounds harsh, but it is not meant to be. Realistically, Darlings, friends have their families and their own trials and tribulations to deal with. I feel a deep connection to several women for many different reasons.
What do I give to my relationships with my girlfriends? I am loyal, helpful, empathetic and fun. Am I deserving? I have never asked, but I hope so. And, I hope they feel connected to me.
REFLECTIONS ON CONNECTIONS
I think I speak to many of your feelings about family and friendship connections. None of us can escape the progression and the realities of life. Our children and grands love us, but at the right time we gave them their roots and then their wings. Our girlfriends are there for us when they are able to be and visa versa. Life has unavoidable situations that we think interrupt our connections, but the connections are still there. Of course, I wish we could all be connected at all times as one big happy family.
As I was growing up, I observed the respect and devotion between my parents. On the day I married, I have never forgotten my mother’s words: “The most important connection you will have in your life time is your husband. Nurture your man. Always, put him first.” My mother was right. The most important relationship you and I have in our lifetime is with our spouse or partner or pet or a best friend.
When I ask myself, “What should I expect my husband to give me in our relationship?” My answer is, “Everything.” When I ask myself, what should my husband expect from me in our relationship? My answer is “Everything.” That is the true connection.
CHERISH YOUR CONNECTIONS
And that is why on the flight to London, I feel like I knew my husband would offer me his chicken; again, the little things. And if the tables were turned, he knew I would offer him mine. Because, dear Darlings, the number one relationship we want to connect with and know we can count on or should be able to count on, for eternity, is our connections to our spouse or partner.
I am well aware that some of you do not have the type of marriage that Shelly and I have. And I am well aware that some of you are alone due to divorce or widowhood. What can I say? Everyone’s life is different.
For those of you who are divorced or widowed, I would make a determined effort to connect, to get into a new relationship – this doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship; forming lasting connections is the key. Make it your priority for 2020. Leave no stone unturned. I can speak from example. I was widowed. The second time around is ‘a charm.’ And when you find him, follow my mother’s advice. It is a proven recipe for marital success.
For my Darlings who are in an unpleasant relationship you have two choices; the first is to go out of your way to listen to my mom and see if you can rekindle your relationship and reconnect. Women are the magic elixir in a marriage. The second is scary, but may be your only alternative: leave with positive plans to find your special soul mate.
I was just thinking… I am really lucky to have a relationship with you; my dear readers. Many of you write to me on Facebook and here on HoneyGood.com. I recognize many of your names when I answer your notes. Thank you for all your kind words. I am touched. Though I do not know most of you personally, our relationship is one that makes me very happy. Because, as the saying goes, forming lasting connections is a universal need.