I'm Honey!

As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

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Asking for Help: How to Choose the Right Person

Asking for help is an art form every woman over 50 needs to master. You must learn how to seek help, but it’s just as important to know who to ask!

I ask others for help and in turn, I reciprocate with my help. In truth, I couldn’t get through life without reaching out to others when I need help. The women around me are wise, and I love asking for little bits and pieces of advice. I ask everyone for help because I realize I don’t know everything, and I want to learn! I ask my manicurist, my computer teacher, my editor, even the concierge in our building. But, when I have a serious problem; when I am stymied, I am extremely selective in my choice. I ponder until I figure out the right person who can provide me with their ‘gift of help.’

The Biggest Problem When Asking For Help

The biggest problem women face when seeking help is choosing the wrong person or source.

As a woman over 50, you are wise enough to know the importance of leaning on the right person when presented with a struggle. Darling, this is important. Here are three guidelines to help you ask the right person to assist you.

  1. Choose someone who you will feel comfortable talking with about your problem.
  2. When you think about sharing your issue with the person, you should feel relieved not upset.
  3. You do not want to feel too vulnerable or exposed.

Be a Good Picker

I will never forget my mother saying to me, “You are such a good picker.” We were in a department store in the children’s section. I was 9 years old. I remember I loved a skirt, but I had no idea of the cost. My mother saw the price tag and nudged me away from the rack. She gave me a compliment instead of a skirt, and it has stayed with me my whole life.

I still have the ability to be a good picker. It has served me well. I use my intellect and common sense to choose the right person or persons for help.

Asking for help often requires chutzpah, a little boldness and cheek. And choosing that right person or persons is critical. 

I believe you should be spontaneous in choosing and go with your gut.

When you feel a connection with a person and you need help, believe in your positive feelings and leap. And reciprocate.

I believe you should be professional and business-like when you are faced with a crisis.

When you have a serious problem and need help, spend time asking your network for sources. Listen to others, but do your own research. And reciprocate.

I know if you choose the most relevant person in a situation you will feel comfortable seeking their advice.

asking for help honey good as a butterfly

Seeking help is a trait of an empowered woman, not a weakness.

My Story About Asking for Help

This story took place 10 years ago in the Chanel Boutique in Chicago. My step had purpose that day as I closed the door of our apartment and rode the elevator down 71 floors. I had made up my mind to talk to Diane, my sales girl. We were the same age. We had a relationship. My decision that morning to seek out ‘her help’ was spontaneous. She and I had the same problem. My problem just occurred. She was a year ahead of me. She had gained wisdom through her lived experience. I felt comfortable asking her for help, and I knew she would want to help me.

I walked into the boutique that cool sunny day, and there she was with her charming smile. The minute I saw her I broke out in tears. I told her my story, which was also her story. Diane understood. She helped me through my emotional pain over the next year and gave me a source who could help.

I did my homework, my research. Then I interviewed Diane’s source, a woman my age who helped Diane, and I hoped could help me, too. We clicked, and I had no trouble asking for her help.

These women helped me through the terror of cancer. I am grateful and beholden to both of them.

Times When We Need to Ask for Help

  • Career Transitions: If you are changing jobs, seeking a promotion, or starting a business, professional support and guidance from friends can be crucial.
  • Health Challenges: Navigating a serious illness or health condition is easier when you get advice and perspective from your network. I am glad I asked Diane for help!
  • Life Changes: When experiencing big events such as marriage, divorce, retirement, or moving to a new city it can be easier to manage the situation when you have some help.
  • Aging: As we age, we may need assistance with mobility, healthcare decisions, or simply navigating the complexities of getting older. There is no shame is needing others.
  • Grief and Loss: Coping with the loss of a loved one through death or estrangement can be overwhelming. I find support groups can be beneficial.
  • Financial Difficulties: When facing financial issues or changes, professional advice from financial advisors or counselors can help manage stress and overcome problems.
  • Mental Health: Struggles with anxiety, depression, or stress can be alleviated with the help of a therapist, support groups, or a good girlfriend with a listening ear.

No (Wo)man is an Island

This life is filled with twists and turns and many unique relationships, and it’s perfectly okay to seek help along the way. I know that asking for help is the trait of an empowered woman, not weakness. By choosing the right people and being clear about your needs, you can handle any challenge that come your way. Darling, surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and always be ready to reciprocate.

When have you needed to lean on others? Did you pick the right person to help you? Tell me your story in the comments.

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May 22, 2024


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  1. Vilma says:

    Dear Honey,
    Thank you so much for your story. It is so timely for me to read this as I am facing some personal issues that need to be addressed. I love receiving your insightful emails and always look forward to your shared wisdom.
    Thank you again,

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