Recently I brought back the popular “Ask Honey” column. I’d been getting more and more questions in the comment section of this site, in my private Facebook group, and also via email. I suspected that other women would benefit from my sharing these.
In case you missed it, last week, I shared how I embraced aging.
Today I’ll share with you questions from K, Dawn, and Andrea that were posed to me, along with my responses. I hope that, along with the women who asked for my wisdom, you too, will find value in what I have to say.
If you have something on your mind, something that’s kept you up at night, or even a simple, “Should I or shouldn’t I?” I hope that you will click the link and submit your question to me. If I can possibly help you, it would be my honor. Click here to ask away!
Just like you, I have experienced many challenging things in my life. Many disappointments as well as ongoing issues that continually come up.
I have a long-term friend who never has anything to deal with, and I would know (see) if there was anything. I’m confident of this. She goes on excessively about how much fun her life is, and it is. The old “you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors” doesn’t apply here, l know that. The issue isn’t her, it’s me. How do I deal with the envy that I feel for someone that has had such an easy life? She lives on the opposite coast as I do so we don’t get together, so no, we don’t do things together but we talk frequently.
Have you shared your less-than-perfect life with your dear friend with the perfect life or have you left her in the dark?
If you have been honest with her why would your dear friend go on excessively about her picture-perfect life! In my book, that is not kind, considerate, or supportive. It is boastful, competitive, and nothing to envy. Furthermore, stop being naive. No one on this earth goes through life with nothing to deal with!
If you have been secretive about your imperfect life, it is time to evaluate why. Envy can be a positive force for change. In your situation, it can motivate you to take action— have a heart-to-heart conversation with your long-time friend.
A heart-to-heart conversation can lead to a warmer connection, a new set of boundaries, and most importantly, it can shift your perspective.
How did you find your purpose in life? I would like you to help me find my purpose.
I think we begin the process of finding our purpose when we are children.
When I observed my mother’s dedication to my father I packaged loving feelings. When I observed my grandfather’s wanderlust I packaged joy. When I observed my father’s ability to take the high road with success, I packed his teachings. My 4th-grade teacher instilled in me curiosity.
These role models instilled in me joy, enthusiasm, satisfaction, passion, curiosity, and many forms of love. They were my professors. They fulfilled my mind and heart with gusto to want to live a life with purpose.
It is never too late to find your purpose. If you were not blessed with positive role models, take the initiative (purpose) to seek and find a positive role model(s.) Look for people with certain traits; especially a person with integrity and positivity
Secondly, think back to your growing-up years and ask yourself who had an impact on you.
Honey, what advice do you have?
I am loving my good, generous and kind husband in a blended marriage. All children get along. However, when one stepdaughter and her husband chose not to attend the wedding of my son ( people will make happen that which they are energized to do) they told me what my son means to them—and also what I mean to them.
I have always gone the extra mile when they visit and have done much for them when their wedding happened years ago.
My son also helped this stepdaughter in very important ways to her well-being a number of times. I cannot tell you what a bitter sense it has left with me. I covered for them with my other family members so as to not sour our congenial relationships.
So now said daughter is dealing with a premie baby out in AZ and begging for help.
My bags are packed.
I’ve walked the halls at night for my own grands and will do an Oscar-worthy performance for her now as well. Why??? For my husband.
I know it’s the right thing to do for all his generosity to my own kids and for keeping our marriage great.
Do I tell him my feelings about all the above and put it on the table? It could become a my child/ your child thing accounting I’d like to avoid.
At 62 years old, I have learned to write off people who won’t hop a puddle for me when I’ve crossed an ocean for them. But this is different as it’s family.
Or do I leave it in the past, move forward with the memory and resentment of a deeply past hurt and pray for it to be removed.
Love that you’re out there,
I know how you are feeling. I have been in your shoes with different types of situations in my blended family.
I have always taken the high road. I have also felt comfortable sharing my feelings with my husband. Only you know how ‘your’ husband would react if you shared your feelings with him.
I have another suggestion.
Why not discuss your feelings with your stepdaughter? After all the problem is with her.
I can tell you are a very kind and caring and wise woman. I believe you can find the right words that express your thoughts and feelings taking the high road.
Keep me posted.
Andrea’s follow-up response:
Ok, I did it.
I had that very, very difficult conversation with my wonderful husband.
We parents don’t ever want to hear anything negative about our children. We see them unlike anyone else. Few people are allowed to comment about my own without a deep feeling inside that radiates some good heat.
My first reaction was the weight that was lifted from me. I got to express myself instead of holding all that emotion in. I was heard.
My husband will eventually return to seeing this adult child with only rose-colored glasses. For now, he is aware of the hurt inflicted.
So, I have a choice now, understanding that nothing has changed after letting my feelings out.
I can withhold joyous times when we are together. I can continue to remind my husband of the offense. Or I can leave it and move on.
I will like myself more ( and my husband will love and admire me even more) if I make our days bright and light together. So this is my choice. Prayer will help me as it always does. After all, we all need to be forgiven at times.
So for whatever it is worth, the exercise helped me understand there is a benefit to unburdening ourselves with sharing, even if it doesn’t change the situation.
That part is up to me.
Love you, and thank you.
I hope reading about the plights and worries of other women and my advice to them has helped you in some way. Please be sure to submit a question if you have one.