It is important that one’s life must be infused with meaning. That is why we get up in the morning. We either have a mission, a passion, or a vocation to look forward to. But now, with the Coronavirus, life has stopped as we know it. It is bizarre, isn’t it? To turn on our television set and see New York’s Times Square, Chicago’s Michigan Avenue and L.A.’s Melrose Place main thoroughfares empty of autos, people and sound. Life as we have known it is gone, for the time.
Business is closed, public gatherings are unlawful, schools are closed, dining out with friends forgotten, the stock market is falling and human touching is not allowed. Those of us who have a spouse, a significant other, a roommate, or a pooch is beyond fortunate to have one another. Those that are entirely alone are sure to be feeling increased stress and anxiety because people need people, people need community!
I Really Put You In a Funk, But Not For Long!
Over the past week’s everyone has self-isolated; a total life change. Over the past 35-days, I have not heard a complaint. I am amazed at everyone’s resilience and their ability to figure out how to get through the unpleasant self-isolation caused by COVID-19. What is their secret? I believe figuring out what they need in their lives no matter the circumstances.
Every woman who writes her question to ASK HONEY has the ability to reach out for advice, information, or guidance in order to unlock some type of problem because she wants to lead a happier life. These women are showing their vulnerable side. They are powerful.
The Answers To Your Questions
April 23, 2020
Ms. Ess Asks:
I love your Thursday advice column. It’s interesting to read and relate to other people’s concerns and read your well thought out advice.
Here is mine. It’s the invisible thing. I had a positive event happen in my life several months ago which everyone knew about. We had a family brunch planned shortly after where lots of family gathered, mostly of the generation behind me. No one approached me about my life change, no one asked me and therefore I have to understand that no one really cared.
I have always been the one to approach others, asking about their lives. I show lots of interest in what others are doing, how is this or that. This time, I wanted to run this experiment, just to see, what would happen if I didn’t start talking about my life event? Would others care enough to approach me and ask me about it? The answer was no.
I am trying to figure out, why? Is everyone so wrapped up in themselves? I don’t normally feel invisible, but this experience hit me hard.
Thank you, Honey.
I am going to tell you two true stories. One of my close friends who is loving, warm, bright, and has a great personality spends every Thanksgiving with her large family. Last Thanksgiving she told me she felt ‘invisible’ even though she is very close to her children and grandchildren. She said, “The grandchildren were together and my children were together and I felt so left out. They ignored me, didn’t ask about my life. I know they love me; I was just not important in their life and felt invisible.”
And, I notice at times when I am with my children and grandchildren I feel a disconnect. But it’s one-sided. When I am involved in their interests and a welcome participant they welcome me with open arms. But, when I have something exciting to share with them or if I want to do something that interests me, that I want to share with them on occasion, I feel a change in mood. They love me and they care, but they are not interested.
I believe this is partially the reason you feel invisible. The generation gap. I don’t know your age but I do know that the older generations are more mannerly and considerate than the younger generations. Life values have changed. Therefore, if I were you I would not allow my family to put me on a downer. I would consider the circumstances. I do think they care and love you; they, unfortunately, are not interested and you are not alone! So, now I hope you are feeling better.
Please continue to be who you are, caring, and maybe just maybe you might consider sitting down with a few of your relatives who you feel closer to and explain to them how you are feeling. Being candid in a nonconfrontational manner can lead to a new beginning.
I am so glad I came across your page, today especially. I love your Moxie! I’m writing because I have lots of Moxie, but so many mixed messages and bullies from outside, I don’t know how to share myself and gifts. I sometimes don’t know how to gain strength in my footing. Any books, tips, or particular quotes or activities you could suggest to help me strengthen my confidence in myself and my path? Thank you for your page and for sharing your experience and knowledge with others.
Before I delve into your message deeper I would like you to ask yourself this question: Are you choosing friends with your values? If you are not, consider doing what I have learned to do: choose friends and peers ‘who mirror you;’ your values, your interests, your style. Don’t choose friends you have to mirror because you will never be happy.
You are looking for a way(s) to strengthen your self-confidence. For starters, you are not alone. So are many women. From my personal experience, I know a woman’s confidence grows when she feels her self-worth; A woman feels her self-worth blossom with each new triumph. Each triumph should be in areas you find joy. The more you accomplish, the better you will feel about yourself, the stronger your footing will be and bullies who are weak people will stay out of your path.
Here are a few ideas for starters. Remember, you cannot blossom without effort.
I suggest you begin with a disciplined workout routine. A woman who is in shape and feels good about her appearance feels her self-worth, her emotional power. The next step is to evaluate your abilities. What do you like to do in your spare time? When I was your age I made the effort to join an organization where I thought I would make a difference and enjoy the membership because we had a common interest. I tackled jobs that I liked but had never tried before and when I did a good job my self-worth grew. I triumphed.
In the career department: Have a career that fulfills you, that you like and do well. Your self-worth will grow because you are happy with what you are doing and doing it well. Your social life is important and should be about the quality of your friendships and not how many people you know. Learn to value yourself by choosing a few friends who meet your standards. You must learn to trust your instincts. Your self-worth will grow as your friendships deepen.
Take tiny steps… one at a time. You are a Moxie girl. Keep in touch if you need me. I am but a message away.
I think I have osteoporosis but I will get a density test later as it was canceled due to the virus thing. I have been taking AlgaeCal which gets good reviews. As well, I talked to their Dr. Rep and upped my protein. I am 77 and I have heard and read things about Prolia, Fosamax, etc. I would like something natural. But, I wondered if other women faced this decision too. I know you are not a medical doctor but any advice would be helpful.
Yes, many women are faced with making this decision. You are not alone.
You should have a bone density test to determine your bone density when COVID-19 has passed. Your doctor will be given the report and then with his help, you will make a decision about what to do.
Before you visit your doctor for your report, do your homework and study your options of drugs on the market so you will be able to have an intelligent conversation with them. You mentioned you would like to take a natural product. Stop into some health food stores and educate yourself.
I don’t take an osteoporosis drug. I have listened in on conversations with friends of mine and there are pros and cons of the drugs on the market. Some of the women I know take one shot a year, others take one pill a week. Some take calcium supplements and some decide they will work out and lift weights and avoid taking any of the drugs.
I hope I helped!
We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.