Hello my Darlings. The holidays are upon us, and many of you continue to write me about loneliness during this time of the year. In this week’s edition of Ask Honey – Advice for Women Over 50, I answer questions about what to do when your favorite makeup is discontinued, how to cope with the loneliness of moving to a new state, how to cope with loneliness during the holidays, and how to manage your time better.
You do many columns on make up. I’m sure there are other people that subscribe to you that have the same issue I do… When companies discontinue one of your favorite products. What is your suggestion?
I bought a house in Michigan. I lived in CA and gave up my friends and a good church. Now I am babysitting my grandson and have no social life. I found a church but no close friends. I have depression now. Please help.
I miss the family gatherings, I find this year very hard . The uncles and aunts have passed, cousins children have married, started their traditions and gone from 30 people to 10. Feel left behind, forgotten. Have invited people outside of family, found people have plans with their family. This is the first Christmas Eve my husband and I will be alone. Planned a nice dinner and midnight church. Christmas Day I entertain, not like it use to be. I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself, missing the memories. We never had children, puts you in a different spot. I’m trying to start new traditions, not working so well. Don’t forget the people you love when planning celebrations, they may need to be included.
Honey, you seem to manage your time well – getting a lot done while enjoying yourself. I struggle to manage my time. Can you give me advice?
Where to begin? First, I too have experienced the unfriendliness in a new community. I tried joining the book club at the local library, tried volunteering, all to no avail. People here are stuck back in the 50’s and it makes for a very lonely existence. I don’t work, we live quite far from any type of shopping. My husband and I are both retired and we thought retiring here on a lake would be great.
Not so, our kids hate that we moved. We are an hour away, but you would think we lived across the country, and we have accommodations for anyone who visits yet people insist we are too far. We too, begin to wonder if it’s us! All of that aside, nearly two years ago we had a large falling out with both of our sons and my daughter in law while on a family vacation. Last Christmas we spent the day alone just the two of us. It’s hard to get past a heartache like that but we started with meeting our oldest son for dinner. We agreed not to talk about that event, instead we focused on catching up and moving forward. Today, we are sitting here in Florida while staying with him. It’s as if none of that happened.
As for my younger son and his wife, we joined them for Thanksgiving dinner. Both instances were in a restaurant, neutral ground. It was awkward but they’re my kids and really, there is nothing to me that a mother cannot forgive. We plan to join them for Christmas as well.
One thing that happened this year is that we lost my brother in law to pancreatic cancer. He retired in March and was diagnosed in May after spending two months in pain. It was a lesson we won’t soon forget. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Life is too short to hang on to hurt. We cannot know why people do what they do and it is not for us to judge. That right belongs to God.
As a daughter in law, Julie can help her husband move past judging his mother and learn to accept who she is. Her husband may not have all the facts. His mother may have made a choice long ago that was in his best interest and maybe now this choice is in hers. If she misses her mother in law she should reach out to her and reestablish her relationship. It could go a long way in mending the family.
If God can forgive all that we do, who are to not forgive one another?
Until next week my Darlings! Please keep writing your questions and stories to me at AskHoney@honeygood.com, and I will keep answering with my advice for women.