When I think of a mother’s wisdom, I think of you.
Today I would like to give thanks for my mother’s wisdom (this is one of the first things I wrote about on Honey Good!) Now, more than ever, I am so grateful for her sound advice. On September 18, 2022 my mother passed away. On the eve of Rosh Hashanah I became an orphan. A somewhat fortunate orphan because I had my mother for so many years. An unfortunate orphan because I became motherless.
The age a daughter loses her mother is never pleasant because of the unbreakable cord between a mother and daughter. I find relief even though my mom can no longer hold my hand, wrap her arms around me or kiss my cheek … I am my mother’s daughter. My mother is always with me, as is her mother’s wisdom.
I catch myself emulating her mannerisms, her speech, her thoughts, her laugh, her dignity, and her ability until September 18th to challenge herself to learn and to live. She is with me because I am, in large part, her reflection. She was a forceful but lovely teacher. I was in tune even with her lectures!
Today, with deep respect and admiration I dedicate my sincere and loving musing, to her. I love you, mom.
On the topic of passing on wisdom, please read, How to Pass Gratitude on to Your Grandchildren, and this post where I celebrate my mother’s legacy.
I Am Grateful For My Mother’s Wisdom
On every Mother’s Day, I will be grateful that I had a wonderful mother to share her “mom wisdom.”
Days before I put my fingers on the keyboard, I begin searching my mind, for an eventful experience that has had a profound, loving or funny impact on my life. Today, I’m going to tell a story that took place a few years ago which also relates to another conversation with my mother regarding her insights and wisdom.
The mother-daughter relationship is complicated. Most have hills and valleys. My relationship with my mother was no different. My mother was very strong and controlling and I was not a meek, shrinking violet by any stretch of the imagination. That is not to say I was disrespectful. I honored my parents. It’s just that I had my vision of who I was. My mother, on the other hand, had her vision of who I should be.
“Through all our high hills of laughter and excitement and our potholes where we sunk into silence, our mother–daughter bond was unbreakable.” — Honey Good
As I matured into adulthood, I was sure I was not a clone of my mother. I was my own woman. As it turns out, at my mother’s 90th birthday party luncheon, with 50 women in attendance including friends, granddaughters, nieces, sisters, grandchildren, and a daughter-in law, I realized that I was my mother’s daughter!
We sat at one long table upstairs in a private dining room at Gibson’s Restaurant — my mother and brother at one end and my husband, Shelly, and I at the other. I glanced at the setting and I could not make up my mind what was more beautiful: the gorgeous flowers down the length of the entire table or my mother’s friends from ages 88 to 96! As lunch progressed with an abundance of laughter and chatter permeating the room, I decided to stand up and ask each of the women and, of course her devoted son-in-law and son, to tell a story — a memory of my mother.
Before I spoke, I remember saying a little prayer to Jesus, asking Him to bless my darling mother and to fill our gathering with love and gratitude. Our family has always found strength and guidance through our church community, and I felt its influence in the warmth and unity of that special day.
Motherly Advice
Motherly advice is one of life’s greatest treasures—a wellspring of wisdom, love, and experience that shapes who we are and who we become. Moms have a remarkable way of offering sage advice that not only helps us through life’s twists and turns but also grounds us in what truly matters. Their words of wisdom, often passed down through generations, become the foundation upon which families and lives are built. Whether whispered in quiet moments or shared over a bustling family dinner, a mother’s advice carries the importance of tradition, the warmth of love, and the power to guide us through both joy and hardship. As we celebrate Mother’s Day and reflect on the role of mothers in our lives, we are reminded of how their wisdom continues to influence our choices, strengthen our families, and inspire us to be our best selves. The impact of a mom’s words is immeasurable, and their advice remains a guiding light in our journey through life.
Memories of My Mother
I sat listening intensely as her girlfriends and family members told stories about my mother. Her capabilities, ambitions, love of family and joy of life unfolded before my eyes and then it was my turn. I was the last to speak. As I toasted my mother with a glass of champagne in hand, I stood up and said, “I am my mother’s daughter.” In that moment, I realized how deeply her influence and presence had shaped my life.
My mother stood up and said, as she toasted me back, “That is the nicest compliment I have ever received!” My eyes flooded with tears of joy and I felt such deep love and respect for “this mother of mine.” I remember saying a little prayer to myself, “God, bless my darling mother and keep her safe and in good health.” The word she spoke stayed with me, a reminder of the power of heartfelt words exchanged between mother and daughter.
Until 101, mom lived life to the fullest until, and had weathered a lot in her last years. She suffered a broken hip and wrist, pneumonia, two severe bladder infections(one requiring hospitalization) and almost choked to death! It’s a miracle she lived! But alive she stayed for a while and God granted my prayer to keep her with me.
Once we sat chatting together in her apartment and I asked her if she would mind sharing her thoughts with me on womanly topics. If she would share her mother’s wisdom and the teaching she had received and passed on through her stories.
I said to her, “Mom, you are a sage, dripping with advice. Would you share your wisdom with the women reading Honey Good?”
“This will be fun. I would love to,” said my mom.
My Mother’s Best Advice
Honey’s Mom, always ready to share her mother’s wisdom, at Honey’s St. John Knits Events in August 2016
I asked her questions on several topics and jotted notes as she spoke and gave me her best advice. As a parent, I was especially eager to seek her advice on raising kids and navigating the challenges of motherhood. Here are my mother’s replies to my questions:
“Mom, give me your advice on what gives a woman her style.”
The basis of style* is the understanding of not only who you are but the kind of woman you want to represent. It is a combination of many things. It is your look that sets you apart from everyone else. It is your taste in books, in female friends, in your home and your joie de vivre. As you get older, dear daughter of mine, don’t be afraid; move with grace and expose your wisdom. After all think of the alternative!*
“What about gossip among women, mom?”
If you tell one woman, it is no longer a secret! (She said that with a twinkle in her beautiful blue eyes.)
“Mom, what if you know people are talking about you.”
That’s an easy one. If people are talking about you, you know you are not boring!
“Mom, sometimes our children disappoint us. How do we deal?”
As a parent, you raise your kids to be independent, but every child is unique and will make their own choices. Raising children means giving them roots and then their wings, trusting that you have done your best to nurture and guide them. Sometimes, despite our hopes, a child may disappoint us, but it is part of the journey of raising kids. Remember, raising children in a way that honors the Lord and nurtures their soul is a sacred responsibility. You give your children their roots and then their wings. It is the progression of life.
“Mom, what is your philosophy on friendship?”
Have women friends from all walks of life. A clique becomes a bore. Don’t expect from most and you will not be disappointed.
“Mom, tell me your secret on aging beautifully.”
I exercise my mind, not my body!
Navigating Life’s Challenges
When life throws us curveballs, it’s often our mothers we turn to first for guidance. Their words of wisdom have a way of cutting through the noise, helping us see what truly matters. Whether we’re facing a tough decision at work, navigating a tricky friendship, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the small stuff, a mom’s sage advice can bring clarity and calm. I remember my own mother telling me, “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and always keep things in perspective.” It’s a simple reminder, but one that has helped me countless times to focus on what’s important and let go of what doesn’t serve me. Moms teach us that life is full of ups and downs, but with the right perspective, we can weather any storm. Their advice helps us build resilience, learn from our mistakes, and move forward with confidence, knowing that we are never alone in our struggles.
Personal Growth and Development
Mothers play a pivotal role in nurturing our growth and helping us discover who we are meant to be. Their advice often encourages us to look inward, recognize our strengths, and pursue our passions with courage. I once heard a young man say, “My mom told me to always follow my heart and pursue my passions, even if it means taking risks.” That kind of encouragement can be life-changing, giving us the confidence to step outside our comfort zones and chase our dreams. Through their words, moms help us develop a strong sense of self, guiding us as we make choices about our careers, relationships, and personal lives. Their wisdom reminds us that life is a journey of learning and growth, and that with each step, we become more of the person we are meant to be. By listening to our mothers’ advice, we gain the sense of direction and purpose that leads to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Overcoming Adversity
Adversity is a part of every life, but it’s often a mother’s love and wisdom that helps us find the strength to overcome it. Their words of encouragement and hope can turn even the darkest moments into opportunities for growth. I’ll never forget the advice my grandmother once shared: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It’s a simple phrase, but it carries a powerful message about resilience and optimism. Mothers and grandmothers teach us to focus on the good, to keep hope alive, and to believe in our ability to rise above any challenge. Their advice helps us develop a sense of determination and faith in ourselves, reminding us that no matter what happens, we have the inner resources to persevere. By holding onto their words of wisdom, we find the courage to face adversity head-on and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.
I’m Lucky My Mother Loved to Share Her Sage Advice!
“What about skin care, mom?”
Use olive oil on your skin. Stop with the facelifts. You cannot hide age. Your lines show your life, your persona. Smile! Remember, maintaining healthy skin is all about self care—nourish yourself and your skin will reflect it.
“You and dad had a wonderful marriage. What do you attribute this to?”
You know what I told you when you were to become a bride — a woman makes a marriage. Those five words are worth their weight in gold, in more ways than one!
I laughed!
“Mom what do you attribute to your longevity?”
Sometimes I wish it was not so long! I suppose it may be my lack of fear and my love of laughter — and you! You keep telling me, “Mom, I need you!” Also, I try to keep healthy habits, like eating good food, enjoying my mornings, and taking care of myself.
I did not answer. Instead I smiled and got out of my chair, wrapped my arms around “this mother of mine” and whispered in her ear, “I do need you.” She looked at me with her twinkling blue eyes, gave me a kiss and said, “I need you more.” We shared a smile.
I wanted to end the conversation on an upbeat note, so I said, “Mom, in another year you will be 95! I am going to give you another beautiful luncheon. This time I am going to add to the list all of my girlfriends who know and truly revere you! It will be a great day. You will be the Queen Bee! There is nothing like celebrating with a true friend, and the value of friendship will make the day even more special. Together we will write your life message you can share with all at your table. You will speak your thoughts and everyone will leave your 95th birthday party feeling marvelous and the buzz will be out in the city that you are one grande dame!”
Staying Grounded and Humble
In a world that often celebrates individual achievement, mothers remind us of the importance of staying grounded and humble. Their advice helps us remember our roots, honor our values, and recognize the responsibility we have to others. As one mom wisely said, “Always remember where you come from and never forget the people who helped you get there.” These words encourage us to appreciate our blessings, give back to our communities, and stay true to ourselves no matter how far we go in life. Mothers teach us that real success is measured not just by what we achieve, but by the kindness, gratitude, and humility we show along the way. By listening to our mom’s words, we develop a sense of responsibility to use our gifts for good, to lift others up, and to make a positive impact in the world. Their wisdom keeps us focused on what truly matters, helping us live with purpose, meaning, and a grateful heart.
I Love My Mother Unconditionally and Brought Her Wisdom to My Own House
I am proud to know that I have embodied all that she has taught me. It is my hope that I have brought her wisdom to my own life and my own home. Through all our high hills of laughter and excitement and our potholes where we sunk into silence, our mother–daughter bond was unbreakable. Even when words or actions hurt, or past hurts lingered, we always found a way to heal together. The chemistry between she and I was fierce, and no matter how angry I was with her, there was never a time I did not pick up the phone and say, “Please let’s not argue. I am sorry this is happening to us.” We never let worry or hurt get in the way of our relationship. The reason being she was and still is the most important woman in my life. I loved her and respected her unconditionally.
A Letter to My Mother — Every Day Was Mother’s Day Because Every Day I Cherished You
You were born Elaine Barbara Lang on April 14, 1921, under the sign, Aries, the ram. The zodiac sign was an indication of what was to come. In your early years, you were a curious and lively girl, already showing the strength and brightness that would define your life. You were strong willed, beautiful, popular and bright, graduating from high school at the age of 16. If you were a young woman today, I dare say the Huffington Post would have a different name — The Elaine Post.
Your only bad luck was being born at the wrong time, but that did not stop you from leading a “fabulous” life. You did everything well, not because you were a perfectionist but because you had a tenacity and true grit. You loved life and were eager to explore all facets. I watched you play scrabble, do the daily newspaper crossword, needlepoint, knit and crochet. You learned to play golf and ski and loved to travel. You played bridge, canasta, and mahjong. You were the most devoted wife and last, but not least, you had and still have an impeccable sense of style and a wonderful sense of humor. You are and were my movie star mother. As a baby, you were cherished by your family, and later, as a loving grandma, you passed on your wisdom and warmth to your grandchildren, always delighting in the presence of babies and girls in the family.
My Rolodex twirling mind stops on a fitting memory. I remember the day I interviewed you for a story I wrote about the lessons mothers leave their daughters – mother’s wisdom.
My Mother’s Advice Summed Up
Print this out darlings, these are words to live by!
- CONFIDENCE: If people talk about you, you know you are interesting.
- STYLE: A woman’s style is a combination of many things, but 80% is her inner style. That is what makes her beautiful.
- SECRETS: A secret is a secret until you tell someone.
- CHILDREN: Remember, darling, these two wise quotes: “One mother can take care of 10 children, but 10 children cannot take care of one mother.” “You give your children their roots and then their wings.”
- GIRLFRIENDS: Choose friends who have your values, but different interests so you can grow.
- SKINCARE: Never use soap on your skin.
- CONVERSATION: Talk less and listen more.
- AGING GRACEFULLY: Exercise your mind, darling.
- SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE: A woman makes a marriage.
- HEALTH: Be proactive. It will save your life.
- CHOOSING A SPOUSE: Make a list of what you need in a spouse. Stick to it because the most important decision you make in your life is who you choose to marry.
- LIVING A HAPPY LIFE: Live in the present. It is a gift.
- PERSONAL HAPPINESS: Own your self-respect. Have a purpose. Love much and laugh often.
If I printed out a list of all of the wonderful advice my mother gave me over the years, it would be as long as the Empire State Building. Mothers teach us so many things, from handling money wisely to following our passion, and how to start the morning with a positive mindset. Their teaching covers every aspect of life, helping us not get stuck in old habits and encouraging us to embrace new advice. If you enjoyed reading this, please talk about your own experiences and share your voice in the comments. We’d love to hear the wisdom you’ve learned or given—let’s keep the conversation going!
i have never commented on any stories I’ve read online, but this brought tears to my eyes. I envy the relationship you and your Mother have, I lost mine when I was 29, before my children were born, many times wished for one more day to gain more advice and knowledge from her. Bless you and your Mother.
Honey, I just returned from sharing the Passover weekend with family, including my 92-year-old aunt. I was reminiscing about my mom, who I lost 3 years ago at the age of 86. I was touched by your story and your mother’s deep wisdom. Her life lessons remind of a quote I recently read, “Our elegance is not determined by what we wear.” Thank you for enriching the holidays with your Good story. I look forward to reading about her next birthday celebration!
From your lips to God’s ears!To the Grande Dame and her special daughter~~here’s to 95 and counting.
I love this love story.
Jill xoxo
What a great story Honey! You and your Mom are so lucky to have each other.
I have had the joy and good fortune of knowing Susan’s Mom my whole life. Thank you, Susan for re-
posting this. I, too, learn from your beautiful,(in so many ways) ‘knowing’ Mom each time I’m with her,
but I learned so much more from your blog. I loved the way that you asked her specific, important questions. Your ‘interview’ with Your Mom was a ‘Gift’ to us All. . .love, Gail
You are one of my main role models. Thank you for your note.
Love, Honey
Honey,
What a lovely story. Both you and your mother are blessed to have each other….and for such a long time. I’m picturing the twinkle in her blue eyes. I was not blessed with a good mother….however I was very fortunate to have a feisty, kind, smart, loving Grammie. Her blue eyes twinkled quite a bit. When one comes from an abusive parent, it’s easy to go down the path of bitterness. I have fought that path my entire life. I choose better over bitter. Grace over hatred. I’ve been able to find kindness in some very special women in my life. And, I’ve been able to turn off the negative and be the most loving, supportive mother to my sons. I consider myself one very lucky woman. Thank you for your stories. I enjoy them immensely.
Your family is lucky to have you. Your values, even through adversity, are pristine. We are kindred spirits. I think as you think. Thank you for writing to me and have a lovely day.
Warmly, Honey
Best article yet!!!
Thank you Mary. There is nothing like a mother.
Warmly, Honey
❤️
Dear Jean,
I am smiling. The heart says it all.
Warmly, Honey
Good picture, Honey!
Thank you! Thank you!! Warmly, Honey