Darlings, February is the month we talk about relationships, and most of us immediately think of the people we love: our partners, our children, our grandchildren, our friends, our neighbors who feel like family. But today, I want to talk about a relationship many of us don’t name out loud, even though it touches our lives every single day: our relationship with technology.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, sitting at my computer with my fingers dancing across the keys, a cup of something warm nearby, and a long list of responsibilities in my head that I would love to set down for just one afternoon. And then it hit me, clear as day:

Relationships come in many forms. And relationships are not always about people. But they all have one thing in common: Emotional involvement.

Yes, darling. Emotional involvement. That is the heartbeat of a relationship. It is what makes something matter. It is what makes you care, rely, hope, laugh, worry, cling, or sometimes… feel completely drained. This is exactly why I want to talk about a relationship we all have, whether we admit it or not… Our relationship with technology.

A Screen is Not Just a Screen

I write, plan, organize, communicate and research. I laugh at videos, read texts, scroll on social media, get pulled into headlines and suddenly it is 45 minutes later and I do not even remember why I opened my phone in the first place. That is not just a tool, dear reader. That is a relationship.

Technology has moods. It has timing. It has the power to soothe and the power to steal your peace. It can connect you to love, and it can also quietly convince you that you are behind, not enough, or missing out. And because it has such influence, we need to be honest with ourselves about one simple question: Is this relationship healthy?

Helping a Loved One Using Technology

When your husband is battling vascular dementia, life rearranges itself. Your days begin to revolve around routines, medications, appointments, reminders, and the emotional reality that some moments are clear and others are confusing. Some are tender. Some are heartbreaking. And many are both at the same time.

Caregiving is love, but it is also labor. It is emotional labor, mental labor, and often physical labor. It can be lonely, even when you are not alone. And in the middle of that, technology has become one of my unlikely lifelines. It keeps the train on the tracks. It helps me track information I cannot afford to forget. It gives me quick access to resources when I need answers. It helps me reach out when I need support without having to explain my entire life story to a stranger in a checkout line.

Technology, for me, is not frivolous. It is not just entertainment. It is part of how I cope. And that is emotional involvement, isn’t it?

Technology Brings Me My Family

Now let me tell you about the joy side of this relationship. Two new great grandchildren have arrived, and they live across the country. If you have ever had a grandchild or great grandchild far away, you know what that can feel like. You love them fiercely, but your arms cannot just scoop them up whenever your heart demands it.

But thanks to FaceTime, I can see them multiple times a day. I can watch their sweet smiles form in real time. I can hear a little coo. I can witness tiny milestones that would otherwise happen without me. I can blow kisses through a screen and feel, in my own imperfect way, like I am part of their daily rhythm.

Is it the same as holding them? No. But it is a bridge. A beautiful, modern bridge. And when it comes to relationships, bridges matter.

Technology and Philanthropy

I am also spending a great deal of my time in philanthropy now, and I am proud of it. I am an active board member of the Zionist Organization of America, and one of the most meaningful parts of this season of life is watching women from across the country meet, organize, and lay the foundation of the ZOA Women’s Leadership Division.

Do you know what makes that possible? Technology.

Women who may never have crossed paths in the “old days” can now brainstorm, plan, build, and lead together, from their own homes, in their own cities, in their own full lives. I can attend meetings, contribute, collaborate, and stay active in purpose-driven work, while still tending to my husband’s needs and my own home responsibilities.

This is not small. Purpose is part of self care. Not bubble baths. Not fluff. Purpose. Technology gives me access to that purpose, and that access changes my life.

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship With Technology

Here is what I have learned, dear reader, and I am still learning it. A healthy relationship with technology looks like this:

1. It supports your life, it does not replace it. Technology is a bridge, not a destination. It should help you connect, not keep you isolated.
2. It makes you feel more capable, not more anxious. If your phone leaves you tense, scattered, or inadequate, something needs adjusting.
3. It has boundaries. Even good relationships need boundaries. Especially the ones that can take over your entire day without asking permission.
4. It gives you connection, not comparison. Connection is nourishment. Comparison is poison.
5. It creates, not just consumes. Writing, learning, building, organizing, communicating, serving others. These are life-giving uses of technology. Endless scrolling is not.

My Self Care Rules for This Relationship

I am not interested in perfection. I am interested in peace. So here are a few self care practices I use to keep my relationship with technology in check, and maybe they will help you too:

• I do not start my day with my phone. I start with myself. A breath. A stretch. A moment of quiet. Even two minutes counts.
• I silence what does not deserve access to my nervous system. Notifications are not the boss of me.
• I schedule connection on purpose. FaceTime with my grandchildren is joy. That goes on the calendar like a treasure.
• I take small breaks from screens, even when life is heavy. Especially when life is heavy.
• I ask myself one question before I pick up my phone: Am I choosing this, or am I escaping?

No judgment. Just honesty. Because emotional involvement can either nourish you, or drain you.

The Truth About Relationships After 50

Relationships evolve after 50, and so do we. Some deepen in the most beautiful ways, while others become more complicated, stretched by distance, time, or life’s unexpected turns. Some ask more of us, calling us into caregiving, forgiveness, or even grief, as we learn to love people in new ways and carry what we cannot change.

And some relationships, like the one we have with technology, quietly become central without us even noticing. So I will leave you with this, darling…

If technology is part of your daily life, treat it like what it is… a relationship. Nurture the parts that bring love, support, learning, purpose, and connection. And gently, firmly, let go of the parts that steal your time, your confidence, your calm, and your presence. Because you are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to choose how you connect. You are allowed to design a relationship with technology that serves your life, instead of consuming it.

If you feel like sharing, tell me in the comments: What is your relationship with technology like right now? Does it make you feel connected or distracted? And if you could change one small thing about it this week, what would you choose?