Anger, Anger, Anger!
It is not easy to handle anger, especially when we care about the other person. Relationships can be hard sometimes. I suggest concerning yourself with only your actions, because you have no control over another person’s emotions. I can attest that it is hard to handle anger sensibly. Your feelings are crushed, you feel betrayed, you are frustrated to the nines, you are livid, you are even shocked and mortified. A few times in my life I have been horrified beyond belief by other’s actions or words.
Understanding anger and anger management in relationships is crucial for maintaining a healthy and balanced partnership. By acknowledging anger as a normal human emotion and healthy emotion, couples can take the first step towards managing anger and produce anger, building a stronger, more resilient relationship. When both partners can recognize and manage their anger and expressing anger, they can work together to resolve conflicts and strengthen their bond. Uncontrolled anger and feel anger, on the other hand, can lead to destructive anger and emotional abuse, causing harm to oneself and others.
Understanding Anger in Relationships
Anger is a normal human emotion that can surface in any relationship. It’s a natural response to feeling threatened, frustrated, or hurt. Understanding anger in relationships is crucial for maintaining a healthy and balanced partnership. When both partners can recognize and manage their anger, they can work together to resolve conflicts and strengthen their bond. Uncontrolled anger, on the other hand, can lead to destructive anger and emotional abuse, causing harm to oneself and others. By acknowledging anger as a normal human emotion, couples can take the first step towards managing anger and building a stronger, more resilient relationship.
How Do I Handle My Anger Management?
I must admit, not well at the beginning, feeling angry. After I lick my wounds and calm myself, which can take some time, I handle my own anger by concerning myself with my actions.
When I am angry with a person I love, I experience anger and handle my anger by asking them to have a conversation. I listen and validate their feelings even when I think they are wrong because those are their feelings, and I control anger. Then, I ask them to listen to me in the hope that they will understand how I feel. It normally works. If it doesn’t work, I ACCEPT what I cannot change, throwing my anger out the window (not my sadness) and live my life.
When a person shows their anger through unkind actions, not words, otherwise known as a passive-aggressive personality, I write a note; I have been known to write even two notes. When I love someone or care deeply I do not feel vulnerable making the first move. Again, if my note does not bring the person to the table, I ACCEPT what I cannot change and move forward in a positive direction.
I Have Control Over My Anger
I have control over my actions, only mine, and will not allow myself to harbor angry thoughts, emotions totally run.
During this time of suffering from COVID-19 coupled with the fear of radicals trying to take over our beautiful County, consider putting your anger aside and angry reaction, and make amends with those you love or care for deeply. Understand that it is fine to show your vulnerability by reaching out, and it is emotionally and physically healthy to ACCEPT that which you cannot change, own emotions. Then, move on with a clear conscience, feel overwhelmed.
Dealing with an Angry Partner
Dealing with an angry partner can be challenging and overwhelming. It’s essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being and safety in such situations. When faced with an angry partner, it’s crucial to remain calm and composed, taking a few deep breaths to manage your own anxiety. Avoid taking the partner’s anger personally and try not to escalate the situation. Instead, focus on expressing your own feelings and concerns using “I” statements, which can help prevent hurt feelings and promote a more constructive conversation. If the partner’s anger is becoming abusive or threatening, it’s essential to seek help and support from a licensed professional counselor or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Healthy Expression of Anger
Healthy expression of anger is vital for maintaining a balanced and fulfilling relationship. When expressed in a constructive manner, anger can help couples address issues, resolve conflicts, and strengthen their bond. Practicing relaxation skills, such as deep breathing exercises, can help individuals manage their anger and express it in a healthier way. Engaging in enjoyable physical activities, like walking or yoga, can also help reduce stress and promote positive feelings. By learning to express anger in a healthy and respectful manner, couples can create a safer and more supportive environment for open communication and conflict resolution.
Prioritizing Mental Health
Prioritizing mental health is essential for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship. Uncontrolled anger can lead to a range of negative feelings, including anxiety, depression, and bitterness. By seeking professional help and practicing relaxation skills, individuals can better manage their anger and reduce the risk of developing mental health issues. Couples can also work together to create a supportive and non-judgmental environment, where both partners feel comfortable expressing their emotions and concerns. By prioritizing mental health and well-being, couples can build a stronger, more resilient relationship and improve their overall quality of life. Remember, anger is a powerful emotion that can be managed and expressed in a healthy way, allowing couples to navigate conflicts and challenges with greater ease and understanding.
Ask Honey – Advice For Every Woman
July 23, 2020
Marie Asks:
My husband and I argue all of the time. He is selfish and thinks that the world revolves around him. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve really come into myself and started to stand up for what I want and what I believe in. I’m no longer a doormat.
Do you think he can accept the new me, or do I need to potentially move on? What do you think?
Dear Marie,
I am proud of you. Don’t stop ignoring your desires. It is time to focus on your aspirations and happiness while ‘continuing to fulfill your responsibilities’ to your husband.
A lonely and sad marriage coupled with infidelity, abusive relationship, is difficult to save. I suggest having a conversation and discussing ‘your feelings’ (not his selfishness) remembering there are healthy conflict conversations. So, unmute yourself. Open up. Stay calm but carry on, even suggesting your marriage will not survive unless your feelings and needs are understood.
I think you have to assess your feelings, silent treatment, and decide if staying married is a sustainable option. Then, start behaving in a way where he understands you mean business. Don’t falter. Set your limits. Walk the walk, remembering you have a presence, desires, and needs.
Only you can decide what is in your best interest, anxious reaction. If the relationship continues to go south, you have to ACCEPT or move on. Yes, it will be scary, but if you have a solid plan in place it very well might mean… greener pastures.
Warmly,
Honey
Jane Doe Asks:
Honey, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I cheated on my husband. Things have been going badly for many years. He is overbearing, hurtful and he cheated on me once many years ago.
I don’t know if I did it to get back at him or just because I am sad and lonely.
But, I don’t know what I should do. Leaving my husband after 30+ years seems scary and I can’t imagine it, yet we are clearly both not happy.
What should I do? Do you have any advice for me? I know it’s a loaded question, but I can’t talk to my one friend about this. She is friends with my husband as well.
Thank you.
Dear Jane Doe,
A lonely and sad marriage coupled with infidelity and issues with romantic partners is difficult to save. I think you have to assess your feelings and other negative feelings and decide if staying married is a sustainable option. Only you can decide what is in your best interest and how to handle an angry reaction.
It is terrifying to leave a long marriage and start over. You should ask yourself the following questions knowing you are lonely and sad.
- Does your husband show you respect?
- Is your marriage ruining your physical and emotional health?
- Do you feel that no amount of positive conversation will make the marriage change for the better?
- Would a separation help mend your marriage?
- If you did not fear being single would you feel positive relief leaving the marriage?
- Do you love your husband?
- Does your husband love you?
I am not a therapist by any stretch of the imagination, but I wrote the questions because those are some of the questions I would ask myself.
I was forced as a young widow to live alone, I survived. While living alone I found inner peace.
I moved out of our large home into a small and charming space. This is where I healed. My small little space was my salvation.
I walked miles every day with my pooch seeking answers.
I took charge after a while and became independent. However, I was out of my comfort zone of marriage and the transition taught me how to handle tough things in my positive way.
The days of widowhood were the saddest days of my life. I stumbled and shuffled through the days but ultimately my stride returned.
I think my experience and feelings happen also in divorce because divorce is a type of death. That is my reasoning for sharing them with you.
Now the ball is in your court. I hope I helped.
Warmly,
Honey
Joan Asks:
Our granddaughter is getting married in 8 months and has told us that no one from either family is invited to the wedding. They want to get married by themselves because of a lack of funds and for other personal reasons.
At first, I thought it was fine, but the more I thought about it, the more hurt I became.
Any advice for me?
Dear Joan,
Share your hurt feelings and angry reaction with your granddaughter in a positive manner. You do not want to create estrangement and unrealistic expectations between your granddaughter and her husband-to-be with you. On the other hand, you have the right to express your feelings and diffuse tension, remembering you have not been assigned the role of the family wedding fixer.
I would tell my granddaughter that I love her very much and I will miss watching her take her wedding vows. And, end it at that.
Kids are so different today. We were luckier!
Warmly,
Honey
Do you have questions about anger in your life or relationships? Fill out the form below and let’s see if I can help you!
Susan,
Thank you for offering positive strategies for managing anger. It’s interesting to note your use of different approaches in different circumstances. You mention that when there are angry feelings between you and another, you address your feelings through one-to-one verbal communication. This provides you with the opportunity to receive prompt feedback when it becomes your turn to do the listening. In this manner, both parties have the benefit of both expressing feelings and being listened to. Alternately, you say that when you experience angry actions, you respond with another action, that of written communication. Written communication can end up being one sided if the recipient does not respond. The ball ends in their court, so to speak. Nonetheless, the space and time between the two actions sometimes provides room for healing. I just wanted to expand a little on both of the strategies you identified.
Marilyn from NY
Thank you for your added input. I think each situation has to be judged and then approached on its’merit. We have to be our own judge. The hardest decision is recognizing when enough is enough and then be able to say: I accept what is and will no longer dwell on negativity but go on with all the positives in my life. I have had to do this. Recognizing that I would never again allow my life to be worn down by the negative and hurtful actions of another was a great relief. With women never a problem.I slowly back away. With family a sad set of circumstances. Of course, before I accept what is I do everything I can to reconcile with a family amber. Warmly, Honey