Today’s story, breaking down how to organize and purge our things, was written by Merry Lynch Pavlak. She’s even created a handy dandy downloadable workbook! Enjoy, darlings!

Whenever I speak about “taking or leaving” things, people begin to twitch. It brings up thoughts of scarcity, lack, confusion, and maybe some embarrassment. When really, it’s about clearing our lives to bring about the feeling of abundance that comes when we make a commitment to ourselves. I’ve been researching this topic a lot lately, especially after my recent visit to the US. What stuff are you carrying around that keeps you stuck? Sometimes, we don’t realize how much our habits or emotional clutter are holding us back until we take a closer look.

I found all kinds of interesting things about the different aspects of stuff. Since moving to Europe almost nine years ago my relationship with stuff has dramatically changed. There was a moment when I became truly aware of how much my environment was affecting my mindset. Through the process of decluttering, I began to discover new aspects of myself and what I truly value. I also noticed that our relationship with stuff often reflects different facets of our personality, showing what we hold onto and why. Our needs and attachments to stuff are constantly changing, reminding us that growth is ongoing and our sense of self is always evolving. But the stuff I am referring to is not just physical like a couch or a chair but the emotional side of mind clutter and the physical relationships we have with people.

Let Independence Be Your Key

What Do I Mean by ‘Take It or Leave It?’

Take it or Leave It is about looking at what you are holding on to (tangible or intangible), where you are spending your money, what or who you are spending your energy on, how do your habits or life on auto-pilot effect your life? Sometimes, bad habits or behaviors can hold you back and hinder your personal growth. That’s why it’s important to take control of your habits and energy, making intentional choices that support your well-being. It’s about energy, it’s about looking at who the energy vampires are in your life? How do you save money, energy, time? Do you feel abundant and proud or fearful and lack self-worth? And can you tell the difference in each of these areas?

Some of you may have heard me tell this story before, but when I was living in Arizona and working for Keller Williams as a productivity coach, one of the title reps came to me and said, “I need some help. I feel scattered. I’m not following through with my clients. I have too many balls up in the air and don’t know where to turn to first.”

Have you ever felt this way?

I asked her “Where can you show me confusion? Where can you show me the mess?” I wanted her to focus on something tangible to begin with. It’s important to begin working on change, even if it’s just a small step, because taking action is the first move toward improvement. She answered immediately and like so many of us, it was her closet. It was the perfect visual. Start where you are. What’s your visual?

I told her that her job over the next week until we meet again was to clean out her closet. And look at every single item, physically touch it. And anything that she didn’t love, that didn’t make her feel hot, sexy, sassy, gorgeous, and comfortable, was going in the donation pile. No second thoughts allowed. No criticism, no judgment. And everything that makes her feel like “I don’t have a feeling one way or the other,” goes in the neutral pile for now.

Start With One Bite at a Time

If you are feeling stuck, confused, full of fear or doubt look to the clutter and start there. Practice first with the visual clutter, like your closet or spice drawer. That will give your brain something visual to grab onto. Then you can slowly take on one other aspect of your life at a time.

Manifesting will then get easier. Once you start unpacking the clutter in your life the confusion, fear and doubt will dissipate. Piece by piece everything will begin to make sense again. Tracking your progress, even with small wins, is important to see how far you’ve come. Positive change doesn’t just happen by accident; it requires intentional effort and consistent action.

Don’t tackle the whole thing at once. One bite at a time. There are so many studies about the psychological aspect of stuff and what it does or doesn’t do for us.

It might be time for you to take a look at what stuff, relationships, emotions, or old stories you are holding onto that could go into the Leave It pile. So where is it? Where’s your clutter? The visual, the intangible, the people clutter? How are you going to organize all of that? With steady effort, you will eventually notice meaningful transformation in your life.

Dig In to Dig Your Best Version Out

I had a great experience, working with a designer at IKEA. I needed help after moving to Europe into a 450-square-foot apartment. It was such a lesson in decluttering that I will always be grateful for. I didn’t know how to live in such a small space without somebody getting hurt … namely … my husband.

The designer began by asking me a series of questions. How many pair of underwear do I have? How many bras? How many pair socks? How many long skirts? How many short skirts? I had to go through this process of building the space for exactly what I had and needed, with leaving a little bit extra room for heavy winter stuff. Managing my limited resources meant being intentional about what possessions truly supported my daily life. I also learned to create a living environment that nurtured my well-being and made the most of every inch available. It wasn’t fun, trust me. I was frustrated and it took me a couple of weeks to really dive into my stuff and what was important to me.

In the end, she designed exactly what we needed. And I had space left over for other things. And so if you take a look, a really hard look at the stuff…all of it…tangible, intangible, emotions, relationships and put them in a pile of Take It, Leave It, Neutral, you’ll free up the space in your life for joy, passion, and purpose. What you choose to keep or let go of should truly matter to you.

Achieving Well Being

Achieving well-being is at the heart of becoming the best version of yourself. It’s not just about physical health, but also nurturing your mental and emotional state so you can live a life that feels truly fulfilling. When you focus on your well-being, you’re making a conscious choice to prioritize self-improvement and self-esteem, which are essential for a positive mindset and a sense of inner peace.

One of the most powerful steps you can take is to stop comparing your life to others. In a world where it’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, it’s important to remember that your journey is unique. Focusing on your own life, your own goals, and your own growth allows you to develop a deeper sense of self and live in alignment with your personal vision. Embrace your strengths, acknowledge your challenges, and recognize that every aspect of your life contributes to your overall well-being.

By making small, intentional improvements each day—whether it’s through healthier habits, positive self-talk, or simply taking time to rest—you’ll begin to notice a shift. Your self-esteem will grow, your mindset will become more resilient, and you’ll feel more connected to your purpose. Remember, achieving well-being is a journey, not a destination. Each step you take brings you closer to living the life you truly desire and becoming the best version of yourself.

Take It, Leave It, or Neutral

To that end, I have created a workbook to help you come to clarity in placing things in different categories so you can stay out of judgment and criticism and onto commitment and joy. It’s called Take it or Leave it and it is a simple worksheet that can sometimes freak you out because of the things, people and thoughts that you might need to release. This process helps you uncover the truth about what truly matters to you and what no longer serves your growth. The worksheet also guides you to find answers about what to keep and what to let go, supporting your journey toward self-improvement. Think of it as putting stuff into three different piles. Download the workbook, here!

What commitment are you willing to make in your daily life to be more authentic to you? Consider how these commitments can help you move closer to your ideal self and support your personal growth.

Take it

What things about your life do you love or enjoy right now? Everything about your life, the clothes that you wear, the people that you have in your life, if you have a business or a job or a career, what about that? The dream you have for yourself? What about your life? Right now? What’s in your life, right now that you want to keep? Keeping what you love and enjoy is an important step toward becoming your best self. Remember, success is defined by what brings you joy and fulfillment, not by external standards. There are so many ways to grow and find happiness by focusing on what truly matters to you.

Leave it

The next thing is to go down to leave it because these two extremes are the easiest to deal with. So you drop down to leave it and look at everything in your life that you dislike. Everything. Same thing. Clothes, people, career, job. Your dream. Maybe you realized that your dream really isn’t yours but what someone else thinks you should be doing? Sometimes, our expectations fall short and leave us disappointed, making us question our direction. In these moments, it’s easy to feel lost when following someone else’s path instead of your own. Accept that letting go of what doesn’t serve you is a necessary part of personal growth.

For instance, when I sold my first business. I remember explicitly my sister saying to me, “Who are you without Papier Gourmet,” my luxury paper store? So, who are you? You get to decide. Be careful not to take on someone else’s expectations. What is it that you need to leave behind? List everything that you dislike about your current life.

Neutral

And then, everything in between goes into the section titled, neutral. The stuff that you really don’t care about, you don’t think about you, you know, like you haven’t touched it in six months. A relationship where you know that person’s nice to go out for a drink with but it’s not somebody that’s a really close friend, for instance, that would be neutral. And after you do this, and take your time with this, this isn’t something that you need to rush through. Remember, this is an ongoing journey as you seek greater clarity and personal growth.

But the final part of this worksheet is then the C word, which is what we don’t like. It’s the commitment we need to make to ourselves even when no one is looking.

What commitment are you willing to make to leave those things behind? What commitment are you willing to make in your daily life to be more authentic to you? Each of us has the responsibility to shape our own lives by making these commitments and following through on them.

Consider using writing, such as journaling or storytelling, to process your thoughts and reinforce your commitments as you move forward.

Embracing Creativity and Innovation

Embracing creativity and innovation is a powerful way to unlock your full potential and move closer to your ultimate goal of becoming the best version of yourself. When you allow yourself to think creatively, you open the door to new ideas, fresh perspectives, and exciting opportunities for personal growth. Creativity isn’t just for artists or writers—it’s a mindset that anyone can develop, and it can transform every aspect of your life.

Try reading more fiction, experimenting with different art forms, or simply giving yourself permission to explore new ideas. These activities can spark your imagination, boost your confidence, and help you see the world in new ways. Surround yourself with creative people, attend workshops, or take up a new hobby—each of these steps can help you develop valuable skills and keep your motivation high.

Innovation is about more than just coming up with new ideas; it’s about having the confidence to try something different and the resilience to keep going, even when things don’t go as planned. By embracing creativity and innovation, you’re not only enhancing your personal growth, but you’re also setting yourself up to achieve your ultimate goals. Remember, every idea you explore and every skill you develop brings you one step closer to becoming the best version of yourself. So go ahead—let your creativity lead the way and see just how amazing your life can become.

5 Self Improvement Questions to Work Your Way Through

Take a little deeper dive and ask yourself these questions: Engaging in intentional thinking during self-reflection can help you become more aware of your thought patterns and foster personal growth. Consider seeking advice from trusted mentors or experts as you explore your answers. Through this process, you can gain valuable wisdom that will guide your journey of self-improvement.

Question number one

Looking at your list –  Take it, Leave it, Neutral: What stands out for you?

So, when I did my first list, what stood out for me was that I hadn’t set any boundaries. I was doing anything with anyone never being true to my wants or desires. I wanted everyone to like me so I just went along with whatever. That brought about stress, unhappiness, and health issues. So, where are you self-sabotaging your life? One thing that can make a big difference is identifying a single habit or pattern that, if changed, could lead to significant improvement. Most people struggle with similar patterns and often don’t realize how common these challenges are. After all, it’s just a notice. But until we notice we have no chance to change things.

Question number two

In the leave it section, choose one person, place or thing, that if you left behind would make the biggest change in your life? That’s not an easy question, I know that. It can tear at your heartstrings, maybe bring some anxiety or guilt. Letting go can also bring up feelings of anger, which is a natural response that should be acknowledged as part of your emotional awareness. If you are struggling with this answer I am going to suggest that you do know. As women we find ourselves stuffing down our feelings to make others feel good. Set that aside. Name one person, place or thing to leave behind.

Question number three

What commitment are you willing to make to your daily life that will better align with everything in your take it section? What is that one small change that you can take to better get into alignment with what lights you up? Developing new habits or mindsets through intentional daily actions is key to fostering ongoing personal growth and alignment.

Question number four

What is missing in your life? Who is the person, place or thing that you want to call forth into your life? Tangible or intangible? Where is the void? Take a moment to hear your inner voice or intuition about what is missing. Listen carefully to your own needs and desires as you reflect on these questions.

Question number five 

What about your life are you most satisfied with right now? It could be a relationship. It could be the clothes in your closet, it could be your business, or your career? When I wrote about what truly brings me satisfaction, I found it helped clarify what matters most to me. Supporting others, especially when I support entrepreneurs, has also been a meaningful source of satisfaction and purpose. What does that represent? What does it mean to you to be satisfied?

The more things that you like about your life, the more abundant you will feel. Take It or Leave It…you get to choose.

Hi! I’m Merry and I specialize in igniting human potential.

We all have dreams, and it’s my professional passion to help you achieve the life you’re dreaming of. Through vision boarding, 1:1 coaching, or my unique in-depth life envisioning courses, we’ll get you started on your brave new second act in life. Find me at BravingMidlife.com

Looking Forward: What Is Coming Down the Line?