We received a great response last week to my new Thursday Thoughts column where I directly respond to questions from you Darlings. So, this week I’m answering 6 questions that were asked this week. This is my advice; woman to woman. I hope it helps in some small way.
Rosemary:
I am now separated and in the process after a 4 1/2 year relationship with what I thought was a good Christian man. I had been widowed for 10 years, so I didn’t get into the relationship and waited for a year, yet it still was a mistake. It is difficult to think about another relationship at my age, 73 this month, but would love the companionship. How do I find the courage to begin a dating life again?
Honey Good:
Hi Rosemary,
People need people – men and women alike. It is a statistical fact that men are far more insecure about entering the dating arena than women. For starters, that should give you confidence. And, 70’s are the new 50’s. Courage comes from feeling confident about yourself. If you are confident about the ‘you in you‘, then your smile will light up the room, your eyes will sparkle and your lines will tell the story of your life. Walk tall and join a mixed group, like a wine tasting, a card group, or travel solo with a solo group.
You have to dare yourself to do it. It does take courage for every man and woman at every age to begin a dating life again. You must try. If you don’t you will never know what you might have missed. Keep me posted.
Warmly,
Honey
Karen:
Can I wear the Red String on my left ankle? I am a nurse and not allowed to wear anything on my arms.
Honey Good:
Hi Karen,
I am so glad you asked. Of course you can wear the Red String on your left ankle. I know men and women who wear the Red String on their ankle. Enjoy! Enjoy!
Warmly,
Honey
Melody:
I’m writing from Mesa, AZ, where we’ve lived since my husband was transferred here, 2.5 years ago. I am really struggling with making new friends. I’ve reached out, made invitations, only to find them not reciprocated. I feel held at arm’s length. Any suggestions? This is lonely!
Honey Good:
Hi Melody,
Moving to a new community is difficult. I moved to Honolulu with my late husband and two children. Please follow my thoughts. I would like you to think about the women in Mesa. They have long-time friends, many have extended families, they may still be in the workforce, which mean and they would have a ‘work life.’ They are not looking for new friends because their plate is full.
When I moved to Honolulu I joined a group of women who enjoyed what I enjoyed. I felt immediate camaraderie, friendship and support. I suggest you do the same. My thoughts are that you will be pleasantly surprised, and your loneliness will fall by the wayside. Keep in touch with me. I am anxious to hear what groups you’ve joined.
Warmly,
Honey
Erin:
This is weird… a good weird, but I don’t unusually talk about my sh!t to a stranger. However, I’ve been so confused at 62 where to meet a quality man. And yes, I have girlfriends to hang with and that’s a lot… I’m very appreciative of this.
I’ve had traumatic events in the past keeping me from being available but now I’m more than ready to find “the one.”
I’m semi retired ie: I’m home a lot which is groovy. I like to paint, read, write, exercise, etc., but.. not soooo alone. Note: I don’t mind being alone and would rather be alone than lonely with the wrong person for sure.
I guess I’m asking the invaluable question..will I ever love again..be in love again at friggin 62?
And more importantly, where in the hell are all the older men who are single..on the toilet?
Thanks for your eyes as I would say ear but you’re reading this. 🤔
Honey Good:
Hi Erin,
Age is just a number. I believe if you want something badly enough you will go for it. I suggest joining Match.com or a group, or groups, of men and woman. Playing cards, biking, wine tasting, dancing or movie group sounds great to me. Be absolutely honest if you sign up for Match.com. Be proud of your age, state your likes and dislikes and be specific in the type of man you need in your life. Get yourself in dating shape so you feel confident and powerful. Put a smile on your face and remember nothing good happens by accident. You have to make it happen.
Warmly,
Honey
Doris:
I have had a very dear friend for 20 plus years! Problem! I am always the one initiating the relationship!! I am always the one to reach out. Most the time she does not return my calls for days and sometimes weeks?? I keep going back for more. My heart is broken that I care more than she cares! Should I give up? Thanks
Honey Good:
Hi Doris,
Don’t give up until you discuss your 20 year friendship with your ‘dear’ friend. This should be done face to face over lunch. If she doesn’t pick up the phone, leave her a lovely message inviting her to lunch and await her response. If she does not return your call, then there is a problem.
There are situations in our lives we have no control over; therefore we have no choice but to accept what we cannot change and enjoy our lives. As long as you know you have been a good, supportive and kind friend, you will realize the problem is about her… not you. You will understand what you should do for your own happiness.
I am hopeful she will pick up the phone, accept your kind invitation, and after an open conversation the friendship will transcend to new heights. Keep me posted.
Warmly,
Honey
Colleen:
For years (40 for his brother, 12 for his sister), my husband’s siblings have been estranged from their parents, and us as well. His parents have gone from self sufficient to a nursing home with only our help. There has been no participation, communication or love shown by the others even though they were kept informed of major health moments.
Recently, my FIL passed away in his sleep. What a blessing to have a peaceful death after 88 years of life. When my husband called to inform both of his siblings of the death and of service arrangements they were callous. His sister complained that the date chosen for the service wasn’t convenient for her or her family and they would not be attending. Honestly, we truly believe it wouldn’t have mattered what date was chosen. She wasn’t going to attend. His brother didn’t even respond one way or the other. I know it’s their loss. I know they will have regrets.
Now I need to know how to forgive them one more time and whether or not to open my husband and myself up to more abuse from them. My heart says take the high road but my head says enough already – no more Christmas cards, no more informing them about the health of their mother or eventually her death. How do we get past this dysfunction?
PS: we believe in the 10 Commandments and Honoring your father and mother is what we have done.
Thank you for your guidance and wisdom.
Honey Good:
Hi Colleen,
I believe in the 10 Commandments. Honoring thy father and thy mother is a privilege and an obligation. Your husband’s siblings, for what ever reasons, have decided to ignore this Commandment.
I suggest this: You cannot be responsible for other actions. I would take the high road because this is the person ‘you’ are. Continue to do what you have been doing. Send cards, keep them updated and don’t feel anger when you make the calls or send the cards because this is all about you doing what you know is the right thing to do.
Enjoy your husband, your family and your life. Happy Thanksgiving.
Warmly,
Honey
Michelle
I love your quotes – so real and uplifting. I am wondering how you fly with your pup. Our Goldendoodle looks similar in size, so she is too tall for the usual carriers. We live in Florida and visit Chicago to see fam. Thanks!
Honey Good:
Hi!
Our dog, America, flies as a service dog because my husband has the wet Macular Degeneration, a condition that impairs his vision. A Doctor is required to write a letter to the airlines noting his medical condition and requesting the airline’s approval to allow my husband to fly with a service dog. A pet cannot accompany a person without a doctor’s note, unless he fits in a dogie carry-on. I hope this helps.
We use the company Active Dog Tag Company that documents America as a service dog. He wears a light weight harness and has tags with my husband’s and America’s photos.
Thank you for your lovely compliment. I am smiling.
Warmly,
Honey
Also, if you have questions or comments for me to address in next week’s Thursday Thoughts, please email me at: askhoney@www.honeygood.com
Honey, this is a question, since you offered Q and A :
My beautiful Mother passed away last year, and this is our first real holiday season without her. I cannot seem to let go of my grief. Can you advise?
I enjoyed reading Honey’s wisdom, especially for Melody as I also moved to Mesa, from Australia, 10 years ago. It took quite some time, but happily I now have a couple of lovely friends; one I met through work and the other through a grief support group. I’m not sure how to contact Melody , but I’m sure we could find out. Community singing or book club? There are groups on meetup.com. Perhaps we could try going to something together?
Hi Julie, What a lovely woman you are to reach out to me to reach out to Melody. She would love you to contact her. Her email is schoolymom4@yahoo.com.
Please keep me posted. I am so thrilled about this and grateful to you. Thank you.Warmly, Honey